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Okay I usually don& #39;t do this but I& #39;m gonna weigh in on this newest round of fucking gatekeeping nonsense
Also I was woken up at 4am by someone messing around on the roof and didn& #39;t really get back to sleep so I& #39;m CRANKY
Also I was woken up at 4am by someone messing around on the roof and didn& #39;t really get back to sleep so I& #39;m CRANKY
I& #39;m queer. I& #39;m gay. I& #39;m a lesbian. I use these terms interchangeably depending on my mood.
Defining sexuality can be a bit tricky, but I& #39;m a woman primarily attracted to women, and sometimes to non-binary people (usually those who are femme or in some way woman-aligned)
Defining sexuality can be a bit tricky, but I& #39;m a woman primarily attracted to women, and sometimes to non-binary people (usually those who are femme or in some way woman-aligned)
I& #39;m also on the ace spectrum (demi is probably the best word). I don& #39;t talk about this much on here because I don& #39;t want to get harassed for it, and that& #39;s pretty yikes, huh?
I don& #39;t personally use the term "bi l*sbian" for myself, but it would not be an incorrect term
I did identify as bisexual for a long time! It was, for me, a comfy transition term as I realized I was actually way more attracted to women than to men
I did identify as bisexual for a long time! It was, for me, a comfy transition term as I realized I was actually way more attracted to women than to men
Furthermore, I don& #39;t /just/ experience attraction to women. Even though my attraction to non-binary people tends to run towards those who are sometimes women, or identify/present in femme ways, those people AREN& #39;T WOMEN.
Ton of non-binary erasure on the ol& #39; TL today!
Ton of non-binary erasure on the ol& #39; TL today!
Also! I occasionally, throughout my life, have experienced attraction to men!
Some of this was comphet when I was younger, sure, but not all of it. Very, very occasionally, I see a man (usually a celebrity) and have a flash of attraction
Some of this was comphet when I was younger, sure, but not all of it. Very, very occasionally, I see a man (usually a celebrity) and have a flash of attraction
(Interestingly, these men are usually somewhat more "feminine" men. Either in that they don& #39;t meet standards of hegemonic masculinity, or in that they are literally presenting in a more traditionally feminine way, e.g. wearing makeup, "women& #39;s" clothes, etc.)
I have no desire to ever be in a relationship with a man, and it& #39;s 99% likely I will never have sex with a man. Flashes of attraction are as far as it goes; there& #39;s never any desire for follow-through
Yet, this gatekeeping shit kept me floundering in the dark for a long time
Yet, this gatekeeping shit kept me floundering in the dark for a long time
I got to a point of not feeling like "bi" described me - I felt like it implied attraction to men, and I didn& #39;t feel comfortable with that
I used, and still use, queer, but sometimes it has the same problem
I used, and still use, queer, but sometimes it has the same problem
I like describing myself as a lesbian. It fits, and it feels good (most of the time). But it& #39;s got some sharp edges, and those kept me from wearing it for a long time
Some of said baggage:
1) Gold-star lesbian rhetoric
2) TERFs trying to co-opt the term
3) Gatekeepers insisting that lesbian can ONLY mean 100% attraction to women
4) Erasure of non-binary lesbians, and lesbians attracted to non-binary people
1) Gold-star lesbian rhetoric
2) TERFs trying to co-opt the term
3) Gatekeepers insisting that lesbian can ONLY mean 100% attraction to women
4) Erasure of non-binary lesbians, and lesbians attracted to non-binary people
I think it& #39;s tremendously telling that I felt okay describing myself as "a gay woman" long before I felt okay describing myself as a lesbian
This was not due to internalized lesbophobia or whatthefuckever; it was because I felt like an imposter, and feared rejection
This was not due to internalized lesbophobia or whatthefuckever; it was because I felt like an imposter, and feared rejection
Imo, this is baggage that we, as a community, need to unpack, because it& #39;s THIS shit that keeps people from identifying as lesbians
Historically, "lesbian" meant women attracted to women. It could encompass bi/pan/ace women (and, presumably, non-binary people too)
Historically, "lesbian" meant women attracted to women. It could encompass bi/pan/ace women (and, presumably, non-binary people too)
You know what finally made me feel okay identifying as a lesbian?
OTHER LESBIANS!
Even my first girlfriend, who dated me when I ID& #39;d as bi, used to talk about how she was a lesbian 99% of the time (the other 1% was when she looked at Lee Pace)
OTHER LESBIANS!
Even my first girlfriend, who dated me when I ID& #39;d as bi, used to talk about how she was a lesbian 99% of the time (the other 1% was when she looked at Lee Pace)
It doesn& #39;t hurt the lesbian community to have people identify as bi/pan lesbians
It doesn& #39;t hurt the bi/pan community to have people identify as bi/pan lesbians
It doesn& #39;t hurt anyone to have people identify as non-binary lesbians, or he/him lesbians
It doesn& #39;t hurt the bi/pan community to have people identify as bi/pan lesbians
It doesn& #39;t hurt anyone to have people identify as non-binary lesbians, or he/him lesbians
It is not the fault of queer people that we live in a queerphobic society.
This world will oppress us no matter what, and trying to carve ourselves up, wounding each other over what WORDS mean (hint: we get to decide that), only helps the oppressors.
This world will oppress us no matter what, and trying to carve ourselves up, wounding each other over what WORDS mean (hint: we get to decide that), only helps the oppressors.
I& #39;m not interested in debating this - if you ignore this boundary, I WILL block you
If you wish to unfollow me because of this, cool, do so.
If you stick around, uh, thanks for reading?
If you wish to unfollow me because of this, cool, do so.
If you stick around, uh, thanks for reading?
Just one additional note:
I felt like "femme/woman-aligned" was the best way to get across how my own (frequently wibbly-wobbly) attraction worked wrt non-binary people, but I know that& #39;s controversial
I welcome critique if there& #39;s a better way to state my meaning here!
I felt like "femme/woman-aligned" was the best way to get across how my own (frequently wibbly-wobbly) attraction worked wrt non-binary people, but I know that& #39;s controversial
I welcome critique if there& #39;s a better way to state my meaning here!
Anyway TL;DR if you feel comfy describing yourself as a lesbian, do it! Fuck the haters and the gatekeepers :)
