Yesterday I had a conversation with a lovely friend about narcissism, and how people often find it difficult to put language around describing what they’re experiencing when interacting with a person who has narcissistic traits.

So, this is a thread about narcissism.

My concept of narcissism is orientated largely from the work of the late Theodore Millon. There are of course other models of narcissism.

At a simple level, narcissism is a personality trait where a person has an inflated sense of their own importance, a deep need for excessive attention and admiration, troubled relationships, and a lack of insight/empathy for others.

Social learning theory holds that a person may grow up to be narcissistic when their parents overvalue them, see them as more special and more entitled than other children where a child might internalise the belief that they are special individuals who are entitled to privileges.

Psychoanalytic theory posits that a person may grow up to be narcissistic when parents lack warmth, and positive affect where the child might place themselves on a pedestal to try to obtain from others the approval they did not receive from their parents.

People with narcissism often act in an arrogant, and pompous manner. They may flout conventional rules of society because they view them as naive or not applicable to them; they have a careless disregard for personal integrity, and an indifference to the rights of others.

They’re typically also interpersonally exploitive. They feel entitled, are unempathic and expect special favors without assuming reciprocal responsibilities. People with narcissistic traits shamelessly take others for granted and use them to enhance self, and indulge desires.

One of the most notable features of those with narcissistic traits is an admirable self-image. They believe themselves to be special and deserving of great admiration.; they have a sense of high self-worth, despite being seen by others as egotistic, inconsiderate, and arrogant.

A person with narcissism’s sense of self is composed of illusory and changing memories of past relationships. They recycle their undesirable traits, experiences, and conflicts to suit their narrative.

People with narcissism are self-deceptive in devising plausible reasons to justify selfish and inconsiderate behaviours. They offer alibis to place themself in the best possible light, despite evident shortcomings or failures.

Those with narcissistic traits often portray a general air of nonchalance, and feigned tranquility. They can appear cool, unconcerned and unimpressionable. That’s until their confidence is shaken, then they may briefly slip into either rage, shame, or emptiness.

One of the most important things to hold in mind when interacting with a narcissist is that although they’re aware of their actions, they genuinely believe that they are in the right.

Like all personality traits, a certain level of narcissism in ones personality is healthy.

On a final note.