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So I was observing my school mates at an Alumni event recently, most of them are married and something hit me. All the men (and I mean all) married up, I am not necessarily talking about money. The men married smart women, professional women, women with social capital etc.
These men all married women who will improve their lives, the women it appears married "whatever is on the menu" because the trend is not the same for them. I have come to the realization that men are intentional about marriage, we deliberately chose a spouse
Who will improve our lives. A smarter woman who will help our businesses, a woman from a rich family with social capital for networking, arm candy who will look good beside us etc. I dare say that Love is often not the first thing on a man's mind. Please I have no data
Just explaining what I have observed. It appears its women who are dying on this 'someone you love' hill because men are marrying to improve their own lives. This thing did not start today btw, even uneducated business men want smart wives who can run part of the business.
Women are disadvantaged (I mean you have to be asked first) so women just pick what's on the menu, also women it seems are more interested in love. I was listening to my mom and her friends talk one day and they said "Di bu ngwugwu" which means 'husband is ngwugwu".
Ngwugwu is a plant (sisal I believe) that when you get it, it is coiled like a snake. You have to uncoil it to get to the seeds, many times when you uncoil it you realize the seed is bad so you discard it. You cannot tell which has bad seeds until you uncoil it.
What they are saying therefore is that husband is lottery, you never know what you will get until you 'unwrap him' and whatever you see inside the package manage it like that. We might think they are old school but this sort of thinking is prevalent today.
I look at how intentional men are about marriage and I want women to do the same. Chart your lives journey and determine the kind of man who will make you reach your goals faster, then actively seek him out. Don't just select whatever is on the menu, you can decide what you want.
Men move mad so there is no guarantee that the marriage will work, but atleast he will move you closer to your life goals because you deliberately picked the right one. I know one babe in school that year who always said she just wanted to marry rich and wear prada.
She eventually married rich and now she uses his network to get government contracts and boy she wears a lot of prada. See "a woman is like a flower" and other stories are opata yarns, best to wait to find the one who will improve your life.
This life is rigged against women any how you look at it, but playing it the way men do gives you a small fighting chance. As men we ALWAYS chose ourselves, you should do same sis.
Many of the female doctors in my set married business men in Onitsha, very wealthy barely educated men. These men deliberately seek out very smart women to marry so they can have smart kids.
