i’m *aggressively* high and about to watch Happy Potter for the first time.

should i live tweet?

so the cat is a professor? mkay. off to a shaky start.

oh this bitch shape shift!

muggle sounds like a slur.

who carved this baby forehead?!?!

AND made him sleep under the stairs?! CPS.

his cousin is an ungrateful wretch.

okay Harry think he Dr. Doolittle. Talking to this damn snake.

Boy, you don’t know the story of Adam & Eve?!

nah, fuck outta here. the snake said “thankthsssss”

i don’t play w/ demons.

he has such a punchable face i swear to God

you gotta be a petty ass bitch to put a wooden board over the letterbox. FOR WHY?

his uncle look like John Wayne Gacy.

lmfao these damn owls and they fucking letters.

that’s the plague, my nigga.

no homo, but his cousin just said “daddy’s gone mad, hasn’t he?”

and i will 1000% be using this line next time i’m talking dirty to a shawty. hitting it from the b-

nvm, back to the movie.

MY FAV LINE FROM THE PREVIEWS COMING UP SOON CUZ I SEE THIS BIG ASS BEARDED NIGGA

his name is Hagrid, i’m sorry.

I CAHNT BE A- A WIZAHD, I’M JUST... HAHRRY

that’s the line

oh, so these bitches KNEW my boi Harry was a damn wizard.

and STILL put his magical ass under the stairs.

see, it be yo own.

what the fuck his cousin doing in the corner. sound like he giving top.

y’all i performed at hotel de ville in paris a couple months ago and forgot that that’s literally Hogwarts.

so i’m basically IN the movie.

oh bitch, i need one of these pointy hats.

these children are admiring a broom through a store window.

poverty crisis.

LMFAO these goblins look like a couple hoes i know. akikikiki.

i’m screaming

ooh, we wand shopping beech.

why does he keep getting him to try wands inside if he knows Harry’s just gonna destroy shit.

oooh, we don’t speak that bitch name!

LOVE this energy for me!

Harry asks too many damn questions.

this nigga said he can’t spell voldemort.

they running through walls?! my dumbass would hit the wall and slide down.

Ron is fucking adorable

nvm, this nigga got a WHOLE rat.

hermoine is a smug hoe.

i would fight her irl.

draco bitch ass don’t got the hands for all this shit he tryna stir

tried to play my boi ron.

ain’t shit wrong w/ hand-me-downs.

pause, hemoine’s weave look like a damn broom.

JESUS, BE A BRUSH.

i feel like i’d be a hufflepuff ass hoe.

oh naw, y’all got ghosts flying around my food? nah.

why does tbis professor INSIST on being a fuckin feline.

i enjoy pussy too, but damn could you be a puppy for once? it’s getting predictable.

snape got his hair bumped like it’s easter sunday lmfao. katt williams looking mf.

hermoine such a kiss ass UGH i don’t like her

i’m taking an edible and hitting a vape.

it’s all downhill from here.

“once you get hold of your broom, i want you to mount it. and grip it tight. you don’t wanna be sliding off the end.”

yes, daddy, i do.

this nigga almost died tryna ride a broom. he lucky his longbottom only broke his wrist.

draco with the bodyshaming.

you mean to tell me tbus 11-year-old boy who found out he’s a wizard 30 minutes ago can perfectly fly on a broom?

no. i reject this plot.

this was probably so fun to film, i’m jealous.

FUCK NAH, them dogs coming out the wall made my high as squeal

whoever’s training harry to be a seeker is kinda foine.

i’ll never forgive y’all for saying cardi’s name sounds like a spell cuz im over here cracking up at them practicing spells

did this man just die in the middle of dinner? huh?

that’s a big ass troll.

like that bitch who tweeted my billboard a couple months ago.

is this wand really up the troll nose?

i’m getting food. live tweeting shall resume later.

they finna play quidditch.

i’m back.

it’s chrimuh time.

you know how much fuckery i’d get into if i had a damn invisibility cloak?

oh bitch, i am in SUSPENSE.

harry has no fear in his heart.

my boi said, “ain’t no bitch in me.”

“harry, do you think this mirror shows the future?”

“how can it? both my parents are dead.”

ow.

hermoine got one more time to talk down to my niggas and i’m going through dis screen.

IS THIS A BABY DRAGON?

why name him norbert

draco ass tried to snitch and got in trouble too LMFAO snitches get stitches hoe

i’m getting into the movie now and i wanna stop looking at my phone. i will take notes and discuss my final verdict in a few.

also snape was in sweeney todd. this nigga is always the villain.