I've been thinking a lot about the "martyr mom" thing, and man... the misogyny and patriarchy it reeks...

Usually, when people have kids, they are expected to daily care for them for a bit less than 2 decades. Once 18, you dont have to cook, change diapers, dress people anymore.

This "social reproduction work" is gendered. Social norms and expectation posit the duty of care predominantly on women.

But once kids grow, women need only to care for themselves (or grown partners, if in a patriarchal society).

As societies grow older, women are then expected to care for their elder parents (I shared a paper on this by the IMF yesterday). Guilt in Japan is a serious factor. But women have those years between caring for their babies and caring for their parents of relative freedom.

Now, when mothers of autistic kids w/ developmental disabilities shed light on the fact that that period of relative freedom will never exist, we are called "martyr moms".
Our social reproduction work is unpaid, endless, and needs to be silenced.

This is oppression in my books.

And to clarify: the oppression doesn't come from my child.

It comes from groups that deny me and many others the support to care for children.

They deny me and many others our own voices. They deny our stories. They deny the hardships of care work.

Above all, when they call me "martyr mom", they deny my existence in the public sphere.

I shall not be confined in my household. My child will not be institutionalized.

Deal with it.