Well, the dog ate both pies https://twitter.com/maxjrosenthal/status/1199778290392870913

Look at this little distended-belly having motherfucker

Pumpkin pie is literally the only Thanksgiving food I care about, I am sending him to the shelter tomorrow

The joke of this whole thing is that he's on a diet.

UPDATE: lol let's get weird

UPDATE 2:

Mom: "Where are the potatoes?"
Dad:
Mom: "Wait did you get potatoes?"
Dad:
Mom: "They were on the list!"
Dad: "Show me."
Mom, reading from list "4lbs potatoes, new or fingerling"
Dad:

My father has just proclaimed it was God's plan for us not to eat potatoes

Guys I swear this was going so well at some point

Mr. God's Plan is racing out to get potatoes

This whole day

Area Dog Demands Spot On Couch, Jumps Unsuccessfully Like An Enormous Fatass For Some Reason Gee What Could That Be

God is dead. - Dad

The turkey we did not cook ourselves, thank God, is now out of the oven so it's the perfect time for dad to watch some YouTube videos on carving

He went full @Nicole_Cliffe and now there's turkey fat all over the kitchen

Guys, after all of that, somehow this happened

I swear to God, dude.

THIS ASSHOLE JUST SNOUT-BUMPED ME DEMANDING MORE FOOD

READ THE ROOM TOBY

I don't know how this all worked out, thank you to my family, Foodtown, @alisoneroman's smashed potatoes recipe, and the Buffalo Bills

He seriously looks like a snake that just ate a whole warthog or something

Dessert update: I was feeling very smug about the pie and just discovered I didn't actually turn the oven on like 45 minutes ago

Mom: "Toby has the itis"

it's not...good. but it's pie.

He still hasn't pooped I am TERRIFIED

Morning update: Toby is extremely fine and took visible pleasure in barfing just a bit on the brand new living room rug

The face of a boy who really objects to puking anywhere but hard-to-clean surfaces

Reader, he barfed in Dad's closet.

It is carpeted.