There's something bugging me about some of the discourse I'm seeing with regards to #DomesticViolence/ #DomesticAbuse/ #IntimatePartnerViolence It's being done with good intentions, but I'd like to offer some food for thought. (trigger warning for topic in thread)

Obviously not all experiences are universal, but one thing which can make being in an abusive relationship difficult is the idea that you of all people couldn't possibly be in an abusive relationship.

This is a difficult thing to admit to YOURSELF, let alone the rest of the world. You take the insults, the manipulation, the control, the fear, the violence (if applicable) and deny how bad it is because if you admit it that means you're in an abusive relationship.

I personally had times of seeing things that described my situation perfectly, things which could have helped me, and deliberately avoiding them because to even acknowledge them meant acknowledging this was bad with a capital B.

This denial, born out of a desire for self-protection, can be so hard to break through. Saying to yourself that you are being abused can make you feel like such a failure. You should've seen it coming, you should've left sooner, you can't possibly be One Of Them.

So when someone, such as a celebrity who I am not mentioning because this isn't about her specifically, is able to make the step to say this happened to me, I was abused, recognize that in and of itself that is a HUGE step but it is not the FINAL step.

I see people talking about "It's so great that she's happy now!" and "It's so great that she's healed!" and "Thank goodness she has a man who treats her right now!" Please consider these comments, though well meant, may not be helpful to an abuse survivor.

Again - this is not about that celebrity specifically. If those comments are all true for her god bless. May she be healthy and happy and on a path to a wonderful future.

But consider in general: if it takes an abuse survivor so much courage and strength to do that first step and admit abuse because admitting it feels like failure, imagine the pressure of now hearing "Oh good, you're all better now!"?

Would it be easy for you to admit you weren't all better? That you still need therapy and/or medication? That you wake up from nightmares and have flashbacks and days when you can't get out of bed?

How much pressure does it put on your current relationships? You're probably already terrified of making the same mistakes, now you have outside scrutiny watching your every move and being so joyful about how great this new relationship is. Could you handle it if it wasn't good?

Could you handle even the normal ups and downs that every relationship has, knowing that anything which makes your relationship less than perfect and fairy tale like might now be letting down your world as you know it?

We want to be happy for abuse survivors who manage to get out and rebuild their lives. And we should! But we should be careful we're not forcing them into yet again thinking they have to present a perfect face to the world.

They should know they are loved and supported without having to be "all better now." They can have bad days, they can go through setbacks, they can have relationships which have normal ups and downs. (And they can not need a new "better" relationship in the first place.)

Support them as they are, not as they should be: "I'm glad you're out. I'm glad you're on your way to healing. I'm glad you got to a place where you found the courage to tell me what was going on."

Even if you never have a need to do it for that one celebrity, do it for everyone who hears you talking about survivors. Do it for your possible future self, because #DomesticAbuse can happen to anybody.