Buckle up, b*tches and b*stards, it's time for a reading series. https://www.thenation.com/article/thanksgiving-conservative-relatives/

Calling it right now, Elie Mystal is a huge jerk. It's time to confront him.

It's always the most consequential election of our lifetimes. Liberalism needs to live in a perpetual present of imminent crisis. It's not unlike capitalism in that regard.

Getting my #resistance on this year by getting drunk and telling Uncle Tony that he's going to hell for voting for Trump.

Troll farms are a lot like Animal Farm (by George Orwell), only online. Both of these:

1. Are farms
2. Are a metaphor for Russians
3. Involve a lot of squealing

Anyways let's go on and listen to this grown adult man tell us about how having a screaming match at your parents on a holiday is evidence that you DON'T have mommy or daddy issues.

The hatred for basic human bonds (like family) oozing out of every word in this paragraph is palpable.

Oh, so you've CHOSEN to have food with these people because they happen to be your "parents"? Well I hope you're ready to flay them alive to prove your righteousness.

Liberalism, as an ideology based on pluralism and the abandonment of common ground, is incapable of conceiving of a difference in values and so must weakly invoke facts to cover up a difference in values. This comes off as smug because it is.

I'm not sure what state-run media he's talking about here. Perhaps he's talking about the whackadoodle conspiracies on NPR.

The one Thanksgiving article this year encouraging you to spend more time on your phone when you're with friends and family. (Although are they really your friends? The answer... may surprise you)

I agree that Hillary supporters were extremely sexist back in 2016.

Turning Thanksgiving into the danger zone. No one will feel safe so long as I'm at the table, motherfuckers.

Pouring one out for all the righteous feminists on television (Joy Ann Reid, Rachel Maddow, you know the rest).

Also, yelling at your family is literally like being James Baldwin. Call them by their names! (Sexist, racist, homophobe, human garbage, I wish you weren't my mom)

Oh thank god, I was worried I might have to talk about something nonpolitical. Phew.

Every retrograde aspect of our culture, of which there are many and various. Amongst the retrograde aspects of our culture are such problems as: Racism, homophobia, sexism, and pirating cable.

If your delorean broke and you are stuck in the past, Trump wants to keep you there.

A couple paragraphs ago this guy complained that your family (that's right, yours, Whitey McJones) won't invite him over to fix their flaws so you have to do it for him. Now he knows what your family is like during a football game. My question is how does he know?

Also lol at "just plain nutty." It's thrown in there as if it's on par. "You know, the sexism, the racism, all the nuttiness!" Like people are racist or sexist because they're just loooooooony, they're mentally ill!

The assumptions here are just staggering. I probably grew up strangely because my mom was always extremely pro-Indian, "When the kids played Indians and Cowboys I always wanted the Indians to win. It's one of the worst things that ever happened that they didn't."

But here's the crazy thing, which Mr Mystal doesn't get whatsoever. Racism isn't just some big undifferentiated bag of insanity. It's quite possibly to be racist over here against group A and not be racist at all over there against group B. You can't assume these hang together.

There are many people who are highly specific in who they're racist against (just Palestinians, or just Native Americans, or just Black people, or whatever). These arise out of particular material (and even individual) histories. The world isn't split into "white" and "other."

Attacking science and math is a favorite pastime of racists. There are two and only two things racists hate:

1) Non-whites
2) Math
3) Science

Haven't seen a "think of the children" out in the wild since The Simpsons made it a joke.

I've never seen such a clear articulation of the secret liberal desire for brainwashing. (Don't worry, leftists and conservatives want it too. It's not a unique desire.) But the implication here is that someone is a bad person BECAUSE OF their Trump vote.

And this is really dangerous. People can have really horrible macro-political and economic views and be quite kind and even good interpersonally. This ability in the mind to separate the political from the interpersonal is what allows bad political systems to persist!

Be a shining example for your kids. Be an asshole to your relatives, to those closest to you, to those who have provided for you over your lifetime. This will be a good message for them to absorb for when you are old.

I can't imagine how awful it is to think this way. The family is pre-political, pass it on.

They ain't gonna love you for long if you're always spoiling for a fight when you see them. The whiplash induced by these sentences sure is something.

Okay now he's explicit saying that you aren't going to be able to attain any of your goals but you need to be an asshole anyway, just to be an asshole. (I mean, it's for the children.)

Ain't gonna be happy if you follow this motherfucker's advice. If this represents anything like his personal views and isn't just clickbait, Elie Mystal is a truly vile human being.

Anyways, as St Barack once said, "If you like your family, you can keep it."