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This morning I downloaded two ADHD-related behaviour management guides. One from a camp that I don't know tons about, one from a parent coaching company that's run by parents.

Before I start, it's important to note that I was an ABA therapist for 10 years. I also have

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ADHD.

(Also, I'm Canadian, so I spell things like "behaviour" with a "u," as God intended.)

I have not read either in full, so this is my impression following a cursory glance.

It's interesting that the one by parents is called a "Motivation Guide" while the one by

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the camp is called a "Behaviour Management Guide."

The first implies cooperation; the second implies that the parent is acting on the child.

This observation is borne out by the contents. Both guides discuss techniques that are part of behavioural methodology, but the

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way in which these techniques are presented and expected to be used is very different.

When I was doing ABA, the first step was to find out what the child found reinforcing, at the same time doing our best to make ourselves reinforcing. Basically, make us fun and find

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out what to limit so it would be more enticing.

Both guides talk about finding out what is motivating for the child so you can leverage it to get them to do what you want them to do. But in the parent guide, we are told to involve our child in the use of these

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motivators, so they can motivate *themselves*.

Note that the use of motivators like this shouldn't be used after the fact; you aren't really trying to bribe your child, you're setting up expectations ahead of time and letting them know what their reward will be. A fine

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line, but a distinction that was made during my training.

Both guides talk about using verbal praise, which is fantastic. ADHDers tend to be very sensitive to criticism (RSD), so being as positive as possible and recognizing all effort as good effort is really important.

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Guidance works better than criticism.

The camp guide talks about contracts and so on. My biggest problem with this is that it may end up expecting too much of the ADHDer and become a punishing element.

It's important to remember that ADHD is primarily a disorder of

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executive functioning, so we don't always have control of our behaviours. We don't do what we want to do, and we do what we don't want to do. (That's Biblical, wow. Paul, I respect you.)

Punishing us for things we can't control is abusive.

That doesn't mean we shouldn't

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experience consequences for our action or inaction; but I do think it's better to ensure that those consequences are logical and/or natural, rather than imposed.

Examples: If I'm late for my doctor's appointment, I have to pay a fee. That's a logical consequence, and

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one everyone has to pay. If I overfill my water bottle because I'm distracted, I end up with water all over the floor and have to clean it up. That's a natural consequence.

It's important, as the parent guide states, to explain ADHD to your child and help them

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understand their challenges as well as their strengths. Talk to them about what they find motivating, and when you notice they're struggling to complete a task, state what you see and ask them how they want to motivate themselves to finish. Teach them how to motivate

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*themselves*.

At the same time, I am a big believer in taking responsibility for your action or inaction. If I fail to meet a work deadline due to ADHD, that's on me. It's my responsibility to apologize and to let my employer know what I am doing to try and deal with

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the problem. And it's on me to then actually take those steps. So teach your child that, too.

The camp one also recommends the use of time-out, which I don't agree with. I admit to using it with my own child, but only when he is hitting me (or throwing things at me) or

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when I have reached my limit and need him away for a little while. (I might self-impose in that case.)

The camp one also talks about behaviour being attention-seeking OR impulsive OR defiant, implying that these are the only reasons people do or do not comply with

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demands.

It also says to ignore or redirect impulsive behaviour, which is nonsense given that you can't tell just by looking whether or not something is impulsive.

Overall, the camp web site looks great and if I were a USian I might consider sending my son there when

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he's older; however, of the two guides, I very much prefer the parent one and would recommend it also for ADHDults who want to find ways to motivate themselves.

One problem with a lot of ADHD advice out there is that it's for parents and teachers: how to deal with your

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ADHD child or student. You have to do a bit of digging to find useful information if you're an ADHDult, but once in a while a parent resource turns up gold.

The parent guide is from @ImpactADHD and I appreciate how respectful it is of both the ADHDer and the parent.

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Both experiences are valuable, and the advice given in this guide will help both lead less stressful lives.

The camp is @SOARADHD, which I name solely because the camp itself sounds fantastic, even if the resource isn't great. Some people are better at implementing

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things than explaining them, and the camp, which is for both ADHDers and kids with learning disabilities, was started by someone with a learning disability. No, that doesn't automatically mean it's perfect; it does mean that it may, in practice, be more understanding and

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respectful of the kids who attend.

And that is that for today. If you have questions about my approach to ADHD or anything I've said in this (ridiculously long) thread, feel free to ask!