I haven’t yet posted about #UCUStrikesBack as so many others have been so much more eloquent than I could ever hope to be but I feel compelled to after a day feeling anxious. My anxiety is exacerbated because I feel I should be with colleagues on the picket lines @leicesterucu

I haven’t been on the picket lines because my commute to work is two hours each way and it is a little costly when I’m not being paid. My living in a different city to my workplace was recently described as a ‘choice’ by a manager #UCUStrikesBack

It is a ‘choice’ in as much as I’m not held here under duress but it was another example of a lack of understanding about the academic job market. There are so few jobs that it has been impossible to find a job in the same city as my partner. I know I am not alone #UCUStrikesBack

The workload that we have in academia means that, once the 4 hours of daily commuting I ‘choose’ to undertake is added in I have no work-life balance during term time. If it had not been for the strikes I think I would have struggled to make it to the end of term #UCUStrikesBack

Anxiety and stress would have gotten the better of me. I spend a lot of my time thinking the issue is me, that I don’t/can’t work hard enough to do a job others seem to manage. On more rational days I remind myself I’m part of a teaching team of 5 that delivers UG and PG teaching

According to my university’s workload model last year every one of our workloads were in excess of 100%, this year one colleague is on study leave so 4 of us are taking on the 5 excessive workloads. #UCUStrikesBack

I know that my workload is not the highest, but I have suffered considerably with anxiety and stress lately. Earlier this year I started taking medication for anxiety. This is not entirely due to work, as I suffered three miscarriages that also affected my mental health

These miscarriages came at a time when I had a huge admin role. I took a total of 6 weeks sick leave. When I came back after the second miscarriage I had a return to work interview. I was asked what would help, I said ‘less stress’. I was told it wasn’t possible #UCUStrikesBack

I recently applied for special circumstances for my REF submission on the grounds of the miscarriages. The conversation about this was the first time a colleague had asked how this had affected me at work. The first miscarriage was 4 years ago #UCUStrikesBack

It was agreed that in addition to the 6 weeks sick leave it was agreed that my research was probably 12 months behind where it should be and my productivity was still affected in all areas of my job. However none of this can be taken into account when applying for promotions

How much I have published and what grants I have been awarded still remain the most important markers. The HE promotions system still punishes women whose research is more likely to suffer as a result of pregnancies - successful or otherwise, and this is why the gender pay gap

Remains such an issue. I feel bad that I am not with my colleagues on the picket line, but I really need this week for some self care and a more relaxed pace of life. I am so grateful to those who are picketing on my behalf. I am now in a full time job after 4 years of precarity

I had always assumed the ‘permanent’ position would be easier but there is still so much to fight for. Solidarity with all striking for #ucu #UCUStrikesBack