okay so i am TERRIFIED but I'm doing is which already is something to be proud of. I've been dreading this for so long, for years i just told myself i didn't need it, which is dumb but understandable.

i agree with the statement that the starkids aren't your therapists https://twitter.com/ColleensSneeze/status/1199809628588191744

and oversharing dark thoughts that have nothing to do with them is just A LOT! this will sound pathetic but that's how i used to cope with it all. I'd dm jeff, write to him as if he was my friend and I'd delete it later. only to find out that you can't ACTUALLY delete your dms.

thankfully jeff knew exactly what to do and helped me out. I'd never would've done this if i knew there was a chance he would read them but now I'm glad he did see. He is the reason i am getting help and feeling hopeful doing so. i owe him a lot and all i want to do is thank him.

please seek the help you need even if that first step seems terrifying. things can get dark and lonely and you don't have to do this alone.

am i writing this long paragraph because the fact that it's almost starting is making me want to vomit and run away? possibly.