Thread by @discoaut, CW: non-specific discussion of suicideThe holidays are upon us so it’s a [...]

CW: non-specific discussion of suicide

The holidays are upon us so it’s a good time to revisit my personal suicide prevention tips. These are from my experience and I am not a doctor.

Let’s first acknowledge that the holidays can fucking suck and make you feel even more left out, isolated, and unloved if you’re feeling that way. It’s also cold af in some places and hella dark in some places and this doesn’t help. So your feelings are valid.

My first tip and biggest tip is to get ahead of this if humanly possible and see a doctor, preferably a therapist. Depression is a valid medical condition and it’s treatable.

Not everyone can, but if you can, do. It is helpful.

The second thing that has worked for me is to cut myself an enormous amount of slack. Like. Really just eliminating internal pressure as much as possible. Which is HARD. Depression lies and wants you to feel shitty, but you also still can practice not beating yourself up.

But I’m giving you permission to stop giving every fuck about anything that is not important right now. It’s like on Star Trek when the ship is damaged and they are running necessary systems only. Food, water, self-care.

And it doesn’t have to be healthy food. Don’t put pressure on yourself to be any kind of way. This is an emotional and self-judgment-free vacation for you.

Another thing that really kind of helps me is to acknowledge that, yeah, I AM feeling pretty fucked up at the moment. I am depressed. I do feel like shit. And it’s a perfectly valid thing that a LOT of people struggle with.

This helps because it ends that struggle within me to try to “get better” or “be normal” and cuts down on feelings of being inadequate as a depressed person.

I treat it now like I do when I have a bad flu. I’m sick and now I have to acknowledge that, stop, and rest.

You didn’t fuck up your brain chemistry any more than you invited a flu virus to a party in your cells. It’s not your fault and it’s not even uncommon.

A third thing: give yourself a timeline. Like, you can say, I acknowledge that I feel bad and feel like ending my life, but I don’t have to do it right NOW. I can decide to re-evaluate after the holidays. It’s your choice. Practice this for when you are in crisis.

Buying time is a HUGE one because these thoughts can subside, especially if you take time to rest.

And going back to the point above about cutting stressors out of your life: if you are feeling like ending your life, there’s no reason you can’t try making dramatic self-care changes first to see how you feel. After all, dying is an extreme version of doing this.

We get overwhelmed with depression, stress, grief, etc, and feel like we can’t take it. We can’t cope. But maybe those things can be eliminated or reduced instead. Sometimes not.

You can also use coping mechanisms that are less than ideal, tbh. I wouldn’t recommend anything that will do permanent damage like drugs or alcohol, but if I hadn’t spent a few years doing nothing but playing WoW, I’d be dead.

And this is also part of cutting yourself some major slack. Sure, sure, “responsible people” aren’t supposed to go unshowered and play video games for 16 hours a day but IT SAVED MY LIFE.

I could have gotten out of that sooner if I’d gone to therapy sooner. But. I couldn’t.

It also gave me weird things to look forward to that life wasn’t giving me?

Which is my next tip: find ANYTHING to live for. Anything. A new season of your favorite show. Goals/achievements in a video game. A YouTube channel to follow. A Facebook group who would miss you.

Actually, another good thing about WoW was the social aspect. It was a community I logged into and that kept me from isolating.

Try not to isolate. Even if it’s just online interactions or texts.

It’s really hard to be plagued by suicidal thoughts. It’s really hard to feel like there’s no way to feel better but to just die. It’s really hard. But you can get through the next minute. And the next hour. And the next day, one day at a time.

It’s been a long time since I was in my worst-ever depression, probably 8 or 9 years since the depth of it. I started a little blog you guys might remember to help me with it and started going to therapy.

And I got a little better all the time. It was fucking slow progress. Molasses slow. Snail slow.

Now I’m a college graduate! I have a good job and have been there almost two years! I’ve made amazing friends since then and they are my foundation.

I couldn’t SEE this future then. I couldn’t see ANYTHING, didn’t want anything but to not be alive. But I tied myself to the mast during the storm and eventually the rain did stop. (NAUTICAL METAPHORS AMIRITE)

I also did several things during this period in addition to therapy:

went no-communication with the family members stressing me most

dumped some shitty friends making me feel even more shitty

started medication

I also watched a fuckload of Netflix once streaming was a thing.

I figure.. if the alternative was literal death, it didn’t fucking matter if all I did was watch TV and play games for awhile.

It didn’t matter if I couldn’t do a full load of dishes. Or if i talked to my toxic family.

To recap:
-Your feelings are valid
-Cut out stress that isn’t important to life support
-Coping, even if less than ideal methods (try not to do long term harm)
-No self-judgment
-Postpone the decision
-Therapy if possible
-Don’t isolate
-Find anything to live for

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