I’ll say it one more time:

Defining “man” and “woman” anatomically doesn’t reduce women to their genitals. It reduces the DIFFERENCE BETWEEN men and women to their biology.

When we discuss biological sex, we’re discussing sex differences, not the entire definition of a person.

When I say that the people I’m attracted to have vaginas (no, not surgical approximations of them), I don’t mean I’m only looking for a vagina. I mean I’m looking for someone with [this long list of traits and circumstances], who also has a vagina.

Describing homosexuals as “only caring about genitals” dehumanizes us. It implies we’re animals who don’t see our partners as human beings, just as faceless sexual targets - mate and move on.

We care about reproductive anatomy pretty much exactly as much as straight people do.

Is it cool to shame a straight girl who doesn’t date some men because of their physical characteristics? Are rejected teenage boys allowed to call the cheerleaders who won’t date them “shallow bitches”?

Are women allowed to write their own criteria for choosing sexual partners?

Someone being male or female is a HUGE FACTOR. Being with men and women is ENTIRELY DIFFERENT. I should know. I’ve been with both, including one dude with very low testosterone who was very like a man on estrogen therapy.

In bed, men and women feel like different species.

I’m in my 40s, and I’ve dealt with so much bullying from abusive men and homophobes that the shaming going on today doesn’t get me. But my heart breaks for young lesbians, just figuring out they like women, being leered at & mocked for their orientation- by their own communities.

Some TRAs grudgingly allow us our “genital preferences” so long as we keep quiet about it, so as not to make the men feel unwanted or cockblock them with other lesbians, particularly the younger ones, the easier targets. We can slide by if we stay low-key about our orientation.

Guess what? I’m not going to be shy and apologetic about being a lesbian, ESPECIALLY not in spaces specifically created for me to NOT have to be ashamed or hide. I will not “keep it down” and pretend women like me are mystically attracted to the internal feelings of others.

These men come into OUR COMMUNITIES & tell us to edit our gayness to include them. Fuck, no.

I mean, the nerve of that presumption. We made space for these men, & they rewarded our trust with THIS.

I’m a woman exclusively attracted to other women, & that requires no apology.