(TW)

I saw a clip the other day of a young woman performing a spoken word piece about how men "are not" trash, and how "half time the women who call them trash are waiting at the door of your relationship to collect after your done".

I'd like to offer a correction:

#MenAreTrash rose to prominence in public (South) African feminist discourse as a rallying cry circa 2017: an angry middle finger to men's barbarity against women and their encroachment of our bodies.

It was intended to agitate- to implicate the collective for the actions some. Of course, this 'some' is implied, and yet the hashtag has inspired a few causeless rebels to rally together in a misdirected crusade, joining the #NotAllMen bandwagon.

It is all by design.

#MenAreTrash is intended to make men feel dirty, feel complicit.

It is intended to call a violent system into question, bring its agents to light, and adopt the age-old African feminist tactic of Radical Rudeness to subvert the societal expectation of African women's silence.

The ACTUAL truth is, more than half the time, we who call men trash have been assaulted, have had unwanted advances that have devolved into violence, have seen things that we aren't ready or in the space to share (and, frankly, might never be).

#MenAreTrash is not, at its heart, a silly ploy by women to steal your man. It is an urgent, pained cry at the injustice women are faced with on a daily basis. Injustice that is chalked up to our own attire, our own attitudes. Injustice that is explained away as "Men being Men"

The clip in question also reminded me that in my own upbringing and current reality, fellow women are often some of the most effective agents of patriarchy. It's a sobering, heart-breaking truth.

A man said to me a couple of months ago that he shuts off whenever he hears the phrase.

This a) broke my heart. It is frankly a privilege to "shut off" from discourse as urgent as this.
(Women don't get to leave this stuff on the timeline- we live with and die because of it).

b) Reminded me of how quickly words and phrases can reach their shelf-life. I'm a writer- a lover of words who is aware of the power of their precision. But also painfully attuned to their fidelity. Words can have their meanings reduced, coopted, and mired with baggage.

@mikemchargue said it best: "Language has Asymptotic Fidelity. Depending on the amount of work the sender & receiver do, we're only closer to the sender's intent, but never fully match it. It's impossible. As soon as you communicate, you have to assume some meaning is lost."

Men Are Trash is a case in point for this. If you are a man, meet this phrase halfway and hear- REALLY hear- what it is saying. Examine your heart. Figure out your place in this and do the work of participating in the healing.

When we call you trash: https://twitter.com/Takon_dwa/status/951845402038456321?s=19

#MenAreTrash has since become a continent wide and global colloquialism- a shorthand of sorts that gives language to everything from our exhaustion over contemptible f***boys, to our frustration over the 'manels' that dominate conferences (even the ones that have to do with us)

But don't get it twisted. Remember its origins.

It is 2019 and men are, quite frankly, still trash.

Women and girls are still abused and dying at their hands.

Men are still more pressed at being called a name than at addressing their starring role in this injustice.