it’s now making me think of shen wei who imo didn’t “wait” but actively sought his suffering by believing watching his beloved from afar was more than enough and by experiencing one-sided separations on all of kunlun’s reincarnations for 5,000 years

he’s there on all the lives of zhao yunlan; he’s there on all the reincarnations’ first words, first kisses, first tears, last smiles, last breathes — all of his firsts and lasts were witnessed by shen wei who can only devour bits and pieces of the man who made him whole

this is why the shen san extra fucks me up — “唯一次放纵自己去见他。。。 换来的是更多心痛”; that one time that shen wei tried to indulge himself & it gave him even more heartache that all he had left were the ghosts of shen san’s lips and the memories on that plum blossom tree

noting that shen wei’s nature is that of a ghost (literally born from everything unholy & evil) partnered with the nurture aspect of his heartbreak experiences on his beloved gives me goosebumps on his character that he didn’t go crazy/mad but kept true to his promise to kunlun

and how could shen wei’s love not be anything but as intense and immovable as that for zhao yunlan? kunlun was his beginning (his creation, his gifts, his kiss), shen san was his slap back to reality (his xìng, his first taste), zhao yunlan completed his circle as his end

i think that one of the major reasons i absolutely loved weilan’s dynamic is that it only works for them — only zhao yunlan could have withstand the intensity of shen wei’s love that even shen wei himself gets surprised with how zhao yunlan accepts him as a whole

shen wei’s character is the epitome of “原来有一种爱， 是插在心尖上的刀”!! he believes himself unworthy & dirty so he tries to fake his way into being “perfect” and then enters zhao yunlan who makes him understand that he doesn’t have to be perfect to be worthy of (his) love