Friends, inspired by @grumpwitch here’s 47 things I’ve learned about people after being a doctor for 17 years. Part 1(1-27) @jonrouse @dramirkhan @parthakar @tezilyas
1.Some patients are really poor and travelling to see me has cost them dearly.I once gave a lady £20..

for a taxi when her husband was admitted because she didn’t have enough money to both get home and eat.

2. Having a service close to home is crucial because specialising into larger units whilst good for patient outcomes causes misery for many because of travel expenses.

3. We all know the NHS is not perfect, is used as a political football and needs more of everything but deep down we’re proud of it because of what is says about us as a society.

4. A lot of jealousy, envy and toxicity amongst doctors is really about private practice. Never underestimate the effect of private practice on the NHS, both good and bad.

5. Everyone who works in the NHS on the front line or back office ie doctors, nurses, managers, porters, executives etc gives 20% more than they’re paid for. This means we give the equivalent of a day every week for free.

6. We have all cried because of something that has happened at work.

7. Sometimes it is hard to let go and remain impartial when you see something truly horrific.

8. The most important person in theatre is not the surgeon, anaesthetist or scrub nurse, it’s the ODP (operating department practitioner). Nobody quite knows what they do but they have power mere mortals will never comprehend.

9. Doctors are not important in the grand scheme of things, at some point someone will tell us but until then we will continue to believe we are.

10. Managers and clinicians are actually on the same side, however, doctors have the luxury of not having to worry about making the books balance.

11. It’s curious how a system that trusts me to operate on someone and accepts the potential of a bad outcome doesn’t trust me when I ask for money to make things better.

12. When the shit really hits the fan and things get properly serious, everything, and I mean everything, works.

13. We are, as a whole, a motivated bunch and love the job. Keeping us motivated is the hard bit. There’s no magic answer but free tea and coffee goes a really long way.

14. Please remember we are always here for you and your health. We want to make you better. We do not and will not ever see ourselves as border control.

15. We all know you lie about how much you really smoke...and while I’m at it, you know and have always known how bad smoking is for you. You’re only fooling yourself.

16. We do not know how bad e-cigs are yet, maybe some day we will. It worries us, however, that some of the Vape companies are owned by tobacco companies.

17. Non paeds doctors find kids scary because they’re so small.

18. When you hear the phrase ‘doctors said they wouldn’t make it, but they did’ know that we say things like that because sometimes a) we want you to prove us wrong b) we look good if something works c) if things go bad, we were all on the same page from the start.

19. I have seen miracles that beat Lazarus. A patient I was convinced was going to die following an emergency operation I performed came back to my clinic and said, ‘I’m back at work and last week, on my bicycle, stopped a galloping run away horse’.

20. The amount of malnutrition out there is really horrifying and affects so many of our patients. Hungry kids break my heart. There should be free food out there.

21. Car parking fees are a joke. We hate that we have to pay to come to work. You will not believe how many of us have come in at night parked close to AE, taken someone to theatre, saved their life and returned to find a parking ticket.

22. If clinic is running late, please don’t be rude to the nurses then be nice to me because I’m a doctor. It’s wrong. Be horrible to me too. It will not compromise your treatment but be prepared for my response.

24. As surgeons, we are guests in theatre and the ward. It is the nurses’ house and therefore rude to act like we own the place.

25. The term ‘Modern Matron’ came about because senior nurses didn’t want to be thought of as Hattie Jacques. It doesn’t work.

27. The greatest achievement of my career is that after everything I’ve put them through, my teenage kids still like me and we have a laugh together.

28.A hospital and hotel are very different things, do not confuse the two.

29.There is snobbery amongst medics and surgeons. Medics are the clever analytical ones, surgeons are the guys that get things done and we all agree orthopaedic surgeons aren’t clever and have no fine motor skills.

30. I am able to keep a straight face through most patient histories. The only time I have ever laughed out loud was when I was stitching a lady’s head after she banged it on her cupboard door. She worked as a feng shui consultant.

31. The strangest thing I have removed from an anus is a set of car keys and fob. He was trying to hide it from the police after he stole a car. I wasn’t sure whether to start the consultation with ‘Why’ or ‘How’.

32. I initially refused but got forced to have the flu jab by the nurse because I was the consultant. After I came round and found her fanning me, she gave me a look asking ‘How are you a surgeon?’ Laugh, I don’t care. Other people’s blood doesn’t bother me, mine, however, does.

33. Many doctors are grade A students and throughout their lives have been told they’re the best. This is why they really walk around with a sense of superiority. They actually believe it. I got a D and 2Es at A level, that’s probably why I’m different.

34. Never listen in to a load of doctors talking amongst themselves. You’ll be horrified at the kind of things we say.

35. We know some of us are bad and for that we are sorry. We are doing our best to get rid of them. It should really be easier.

36. Sometimes we don’t know why it hurts or what caused it and have no treatment. Sorry.

37. I watched ‘House’ during my exams and learned a lot. I’m a firm believer that everyone lies...but that’s not my starting point.

38. We all have a story about driving home after a very long and exhausting shift.

39. We need to learn that ‘those in charge have to listen to us else people die’ doesn’t mean they have to listen or that people will actually die. But people have died when we are not listened to.

40. We know the value of things but not the cost whilst managers know the cost of things but not the value. We therefore have to talk.

41. For a caring profession, we really don’t look after ourselves or one another well enough.

42. The NHS spends a lot of time and money drawing boxes and arrows on flip charts to demonstrate what good leadership is. Surely, its ‘be fair, talk nicely and don’t be a cunt’

43. Something doesn't sit right with me when we see the NHS as a business, I don't know why. I understand scale is important and we should spend public money wisely but don't get the rest of it.

44.I apologise for our poor communication skills or being distracted. We aren’t always like that. We may have just broken some bad news or had someone die because of something we feel was our fault...and so..in the grand scheme of things, your problem, right now, is very minor.

45.If you ever say, ‘I believe my God/Jesus/Allah/Guru/Buddha will keep me safe’, know that we see that as a bad prognostic sign.

46.The phrase ‘Your scrub nurse and your partner should have the same name’ is true....the line worked on me...and...I am, after a very long time, finally happy.