another nervous system insight: i used to think i "had misophonia" but it turns out i can gauge whether i am in a heightened sympathetic nervous system state by how sensitive i am to chewing sounds.

when i felt like that was constant, it means i was constantly in survival physiology.

i have only in the past year or so developed the ability (because i prioritized this, which felt very selfish) to bring myself to a sense of safety and calm such that i would even notice the difference between survival mode and... "safe&social" mode

so now, when i notice that i am suddenly very sensitive and driven to anger over chewing sounds, i can turn to myself and ask, what part of me feels unsafe right now and why? what can i do to emotionally and/or physically comfort myself?

i learned in my sound healing program how an activated sympathetic nervous system (ie fight or flight) actually changes the shape of the inside of your ear to pick up higher frequences and to hear the frequency of human voice LESS

and that's why someone chewing 20 feet away could sound louder than a person trying to talk to me a few feet away

my sense is that the rage i would feel at a loud chewer was actually the fight of fight or flight. and it wasnt actually a response to the chewing. something else in the environment or earlier that day or a memory had activated survival mode, and suddenly chewing sounded loud

and my threat detecting autonomic nervous system, since it was without a coherent narrative about what was causing the distress, identified that chewing as the culprit and triggered anger.

so i can say THANK YOU to my nervous system and body and psyche for trying to keep me safe but also coach myself to see that i am actually safe, using breathing techniques and internal kind dialogue etc.

learning to navigate life with a traumatized body-mind system is a bit like dropping into a wonky space ship you don't know how to use -- books therapy somatic healing and supportive friends help but sometimes you really have to do the hard work of just trying it out