Read on Twitter
Feelings are not a wrong or bad thing to have, so don't deny their existence, whether they're positive or not. It's how you choose to act (or not act) on them in a hopefully-healthy manner that counts. https://twitter.com/CarolineMoss/status/1198748131556499456
People who need this include:
- those grieving a loss (you can either cope with self-destructive things like binge drinking, or surround yourself with support + healthy activities)
- people attracted to others when taken (act on urges and cheat, vs stay committed + distance self)
- those grieving a loss (you can either cope with self-destructive things like binge drinking, or surround yourself with support + healthy activities)
- people attracted to others when taken (act on urges and cheat, vs stay committed + distance self)
I kinda want to expand on the 2nd example, since it's happened to me - getting cheated on, that is.
It's not a crime to find other people attractive, and being in a relationship doesn't make you immune to others. You do have every choice to enforce boundaries, though.
It's not a crime to find other people attractive, and being in a relationship doesn't make you immune to others. You do have every choice to enforce boundaries, though.
"You can't put logic on feelings" is only partially true - there is almost always an underlying reason for most feelings you encounter.
The hard part is to acknowledge that the feeling exists, and to figure out what caused it - but after that, figuring out how to cope is easier.
The hard part is to acknowledge that the feeling exists, and to figure out what caused it - but after that, figuring out how to cope is easier.
Admittedly awareness/mindfulness on this front is difficult to practice, especially if you weren't taught how to push pause and reflect on things.
But that's why therapy can be so useful, because it provides a space for you to practice this (with the help of a neutral 3rd party)
But that's why therapy can be so useful, because it provides a space for you to practice this (with the help of a neutral 3rd party)
Now a potentially controversial (but general) statement:
Typically, a lot of guys are actually NOT taught how to process emotion healthily. They don't get much discussion time on it either.
It goes hand in hand with bad takes like "man up", "crying is for sissies", etc etc...
Typically, a lot of guys are actually NOT taught how to process emotion healthily. They don't get much discussion time on it either.
It goes hand in hand with bad takes like "man up", "crying is for sissies", etc etc...
Not saying it's only exclusive to dudes, as generally this happens if you never had the opportunity for a safe, non-judgmental social space to process feelings.
So for whoever needs to hear this: your feelings are valid. Just think carefully before deciding what to do next :)
So for whoever needs to hear this: your feelings are valid. Just think carefully before deciding what to do next :)
"But Cazz, what if the feelings I have stem from unhealthy thoughts?"
The feeling itself is still valid - it alerts you that something is wrong. The next thing you do, however, is to challenge the thoughts you have (and there are many ways for this, I'm no pro - but Google CBT)
The feeling itself is still valid - it alerts you that something is wrong. The next thing you do, however, is to challenge the thoughts you have (and there are many ways for this, I'm no pro - but Google CBT)
In the process of challenging a bad thought (e.g. "nobody likes me") , some things can happen.
-You might discover that there is something you need to fix about yourself as a person ("it's not right for people to be mean to me too, but it's true I can be quite rude sometimes")
-You might discover that there is something you need to fix about yourself as a person ("it's not right for people to be mean to me too, but it's true I can be quite rude sometimes")
-You might find that you've overlooked some good things, so you've overexaggerated and it's a thought distortion ("it's only a handful of people who don't like me and those guys seem to hate everyone"/"hey people like me enough to invite me to things every week and we have fun")
Of course all of this is easier to do when you're not mentally overwhelmed, and sometimes you might need a bit of help (trusted friend/family member, therapist).
Plus this example is only one of many. But yeah, go look this up - it might help you!
Plus this example is only one of many. But yeah, go look this up - it might help you!
Final note:
To some, I'm called Cazza-nee (big sis Cazz) because I tend to have a better handle on this field and have helped people with processing their thoughts + feelings.
Note though, I'm not infallible - I also have people I trust to help me when I'm incredibly flustered!
To some, I'm called Cazza-nee (big sis Cazz) because I tend to have a better handle on this field and have helped people with processing their thoughts + feelings.
Note though, I'm not infallible - I also have people I trust to help me when I'm incredibly flustered!
I also didn't pick up these coping strategies overnight (I actually went through courses of CBT and psychotherapy previously), and I'm still learning how to fine-tune things.
Self-improvement is a lifelong marathon, though - so keep at it, everybody! /end
Self-improvement is a lifelong marathon, though - so keep at it, everybody! /end
