Henlo. In between day job stuff and figuring out how to articulate my points, I’ve decided to try and put my thoughts on community and “leadership” down. This includes strategies that I employ for myself in order to keep doing what I do. https://twitter.com/TheDovetailor/status/1198769311105437697

Once again, my statements are in no way prescriptive. Also, an important note: I use quotations a lot when referring to “leadership” because I personally hope to interrogate the idea that communities should have One Big Voice to represent them, and wish to both diffuse power...

...and agency among all #ttrpgs content creators. Doing this means dismantling systems of hierarchy, patronage and cults of personality.

Furthermore, becoming a “leader” of a community of a fannish or creative nature tends to be a voluntary action. Nobody is really elected “in” to these things. The “position” of community leadership is often the result of an accident. You volunteered to become part of an admin...

....group on Facebook, or to help moderate a Discord server. Suddenly, you possess a measure of, if not total, accountability for the space in the eyes of its participants.

Another accidental way in which one may become a “community leader” include being recognized for their actions/words within their locale/demographic. You wished to speak out about an issue, due to your specific context. Many agreed with you, felt validated by you, and so on.

You now possess social capital that you may not have anticipated having at all. As such, some folx may feel like your silence during a firefight means you’re complicit. Ex “You’re a woman, this affects women, why don't you care?!” or “You’re gay! This should matter to you!”

Yet another accidental way in which one may become a “community leader” is that you’re respected for your work. You created something that spoke to “new” or "powerful" audiences, thus inspiring many within these groups to try their hand at “speak back” with their own creations.

This tends to create the false expectation that because you have created something, you MUST weigh in on works that are similar to, or mirror yours.

For further context, let’s recall that I do community work on two fronts. These fronts wildly change the nature of my position of “power”. It also changes how I may be perceived by the participants of the smaller communities that intersect the wider community that I am handling.

1.) In Manila, I am one of the administrators of the PTRPGS FB group, the only "general" (basically, not D&D or Big Game specific) FB group for the ttrpgs hobby as a whole. I am a woman, and I am also queer. My educational and economic background have become reasons for...

...some members to believe I am “elitist”. This is aggravated by toxic heteronormative thinking, and sexism. As such, my “leadership” is perpetually questioned, often forcing me to do more emotional labor than merited when dealing with, let’s say, offended cishet men.

2.) In the wider sphere of the intersecting TRPGS communities, I suppose I am a person of color due to the fact that I am Filipino, and I am also a queer woman. The equivalent salary I have back at home would not be able to sustain me in places like North America or Europe.

It’s also possible that my educational background will be disregarded should I attempt to integrate. That said, I can theoretically fend off issues that could arise due to systematic racism because I possess Canadian citizenship - but a white passport does not make my face white.

Let’s get to it. Obviously this thread is going to be very long. Also, like my previous thread on #ptrpgs and gatekeeping, I will eventually make this a blog post. Thanks for coming around to read this.

The truth of the matter is, once someone becomes a community leader - voluntary or accidental - they simultaneously become its lawyer, judge/jury/executioner, therapist/counselor, mentor, and parent in the eyes of most of its participants.

Being the admin of a server or an online group means having to make judgment calls, the most critical of which involves calls that affect an individual or a group’s safety. You're expected to uphold the standards that you often set for yourself.

This is grossly unfair, given that the position of “leader” is VOLUNTARY. On a pragmatic level, most community leaders do not possess the training or tools to do any of the aforementioned roles.

Second: community leaders are not compensated in any tangible fashion for the work that they do. Tangible, at base, basically means money and/or hard assets that can go towards improving their lives and towards upkeep.

Third: folx who believe that their leaders must respond to every single issue that affects their space are demanding for superhuman levels of investment & emotion.

Here’s another hard truth that needs to be laid out. You now possess power in the form of social capital. You did not ask for it. It is likely that you did not want it at all. But now, it’s yours.

All participants in a community possess accountability for themselves. Community leaders gain an extra layer of accountability for their stewardship - perceived or otherwise - over a space.

When you uplift someone, you’ve the potential to uplift them to even greater heights than you might otherwise imagine. When you tear someone down, you tear them even further down than you might otherwise think.

A relevant reality to that last point is, some folx will rise higher than others when they are uplifted. Some folx will fall lower than others when they are torn down. Your intended effect will almost always play out much larger than you anticipated it would.

Until the radical change that many of us yearn for happens, the endorsement of a white creator will always go further than the endorsement of a POC creator. The tearing down of a POC creator will always be worse for them than the tearing down of a white creator.

Going back to the discussion now. Let’s lay it out plainly: from this point on, what you say or do in public don’t just reflect who you are. They possess the potential to change minds, and spur others into action or inaction.

This includes the fact that by speaking up, you will always, inadvertently, silence some voices while amplifying others. This also includes the fact that many folx will simply - and often wrongfully - assume that you are speaking With Authority every time you weigh in.

This necessitates taking greater care and grasping for more nuance when crafting public responses or engineering a course of action.

What does this equate to? Even more emotional labor.

Your context, privilege, biases prejudices, blindspots, and preferences come with you when you step into (or get thrust into) community leadership. You’re human. It happens. But all this, when combined with a lack of self-awareness/care & vested social capital? That's dangerous.

This is the reality of community work. It is unpaid emotional labor. It is a risky, sometimes downright dangerous exercise. It rarely, if not at all, translates into any real form of compensation, be it in terms of friendships/allies gained, respect earned, services bought.

So. Since it is timely for me to do so, let me ask participants again: when you call upon a leader to respond are you willing to go shoulder-to-shoulder with them? What are your motivations for asking them to speak up or act? How much of this is actually their “responsibility”?

Each time one calls upon another to "lead", you are demanding that they put themselves in harm’s way. You are asking them to compromise not just themselves, but future opportunities. People in positions to endorse them will make their own judgment calls based on how they acted.

Also. These days, due to the increasing interconnectivity of everything and everyone, you’re more often than not putting those around the community leader in harm’s way as well. Their peers, their loved ones, their friends.

What are the strategies I employ and things that I keep in mind when I do community work? They're summarized in DISENGAGING, DEFINING BOUNDARIES, ACTING ON PRINCIPLES, CONSULTING ACTUAL EXPERTS, DEFINING WHAT DEMANDS A ZERO TOLERANCE RESPONSE FOR ME, and ASKING FOR HELP.

I would argue that the most essential strategy for survival is to learn when to disengage, and also have your boundaries drawn up very tightly. My community work is not my day job. Nobody benefits if I crash and burn.

Also, selfishly, I have a life. I have my own concerns, my own people to manage, and my own interests that are equal in importance to the community work I engage in. I do not need to be defined by the validation of others.

Before I go on I'll need to dwell on validation. I can't say this nicely: in the same way that art shouldn't be a replacement for therapy, community work shouldn't be a replacement for therapy. It can help with one's healing & empowerment - BUT THAT'S NOT WHAT IT EXISTS FOR.

Why am I bringing this up? Because I have seen people who have volunteered to be a community leaders, but do it primarily to validate themselves in an attempt to fill in a void born out of trauma. Their self-identity and worth then became singularly tied to their community work.

The "power" they gained from "authority" was used to silence others & engage in a competition of deciding whose feelings had more intrinsic value. All the while, they insisted that they acted in good faith. They were, but they were coming from a place of deep hurt & trauma.

I don't doubt that they meant well. I also don't doubt that they were not fit at all to do the emotional labor of community work. I'll have more words on good intent and good faith later on in this thread.

Defining boundaries is equally essential to learning when to disengage. Community work should NEVER be 24/7. Furthermore, NOBODY should be called upon to engage in something that runs the risk of traumatizing or triggering them again.

It is perfectly acceptable to opt out of an issue, and leave it to someone who is better equipped for it. Communicating these boundaries openly is also a practical thing to consider. That way, people have zero right to demand that you harm yourself.

Also, please. Take time. Take breaks. Do your things. Don't forget to hydrate, to eat. Buy something nice for yourself. Say no when you can't say yes anymore. It's okay. You're allowed to do this. You're always allowed to take a breath, to heal.

A community is only as good as their principles + their ability to defend the space. To act on principle is to be perpetually called upon to be bigger than you are. This is where it becomes 100% necessary to listen - esp the ones who have the smallest voices within your space.

To act on principles does not mean acting for the interests of the majority. To act on principles means looking towards the smallest, most marginalized within your group, and determining the best ways in which you can help them.

Sounds weird at first, but consulting experts means you're equipping yourself with the tools to handle things outside of your life experience. Tap that therapist/counselor friend when you're dealing with particularly difficult cases within your community.

Ask a lawyer to look at statements, fill you in on practical ways to handle things - and ways you can protect yourself when you're dealing with something like a powerful bad actor. You don't have to do any of this as it is. No need to increase the risk upon yourself or to others.

Locating what your pressure points are is essential. You are not obligated to be absolutely tolerant all the time, much less - yes - always assume that someone is acting in good intent, therefore must be treated with "empathy".

When I say that I don't negotiate with terrorists, I am only half-joking. Terrorists in your community include trolls, passive aggressive folx who lurk in your spaces and find small ways of throwing some hurt in your direction, bad actors.

Outrage is a fair reaction, especially when it's your sanity on the line - just be cold, pragmatic, and principled about it. Also: YOU ARE NEVER OBLIGATED TO LEAVE THE DOOR OPEN FOR EVERYONE. You're nobody's parent.

It's not your job to make sure "everyone has fun", nor is it your job to teach Humanity 101. You're not obliged to be a part of another's journey of healing & reformation. Your 1st priority after protecting yourself is to defend your own, esp the marginalized ones in your space.

Also, a much needed reminder. Things like FB groups & Discords are private spaces by nature. If it is you who owns them, you're well within your rights to remove & sanction who you like. You do not owe anybody your space or your time, esp. if they have been terrible people.

This zero tolerance stuff is also essential because if you're speaking for and acting for the smallest voices in your community, you're defining ways and means for them to be safe, and ways and means for them to be empowered.

I've told many folx this: I don't act or say what I do for those I can't convince. I do what I do & say what I say for those who CANNOT participate, who do NOT feel safe, who CANNOT speak. Then, I give them the platform & the mic - and defend that platform with all I've got.

Finally, community leaders must learn to ask for help. We're engaging in a lot of work and emotional labor that has the potential to do real damage to our souls. We don't have to stand alone. We should NOT stand alone.

What are some of the ways in which participants in a community can help their community leaders, if they feel they do not possess the spoons to take up the responsibility for themselves?

First: have their backs. If you know they are acting on principle - if they're fighting the good fight - support them. Be there when they need a shoulder to lean on. Help them process what they've had to do. Buy them something nice. Buy their work. Throw a little light their way.

Second: Recognize your own power & your own accountability. Sworddream is a dream of a leaderless community, with power diffused across all. A healthy community is a community that can regulate itself, not one that must always call upon a few to regulate the space, or defend it.

Third: Do not always insist that your leaders must recognize the good faith/intent of another when real harm has been done. To insist that they "didn't mean it" or that "they mean well/are good people" runs the risk of minimizing the damage they did. It also dilutes the issue.

Even good people with good intentions can harm others. Your response must change when you're dealing with a malicious figure, but with someone misguided/careless. But it doesn't erase the harm. It absolutely should not minimize the emotions & pain of those affected by the issue.

Fourth: focus on uplifting everyone around you. If somebody puts the spotlight on you, find a way to take that spotlight and highlight others. If you have an opportunity that you're allowed to share, share it. Spread the good. Spread the light.

Shifting the paradigm to uplifting is a productive, positive way of dealing with terrible things in your space. If you can't completely get rid of the abusive fuck who hurt people, you can potentially minimize them by calling on others to focus on the better folx in your space.

An important caveat. I cannot demand any of this from any participant in my community spaces. I can only hope that you'll consider them.

It is absolutely 100% okay to know that you cannot do the work of a community leader. It is absolutely 100% okay to step away, to refuse to engage, to choose your battles.

At times, it is enough to recognize the many issues & realities that intersect around the figure of a "community leader" & "leadership". Acknowledging these things can go a long way towards helping us turn the mirror upon ourselves, and measure our actions and words better.

I think that covers everything I had hoped to say in this thread. Thank you for reading. You may RT this as you will. Going to be in and out due to hospital things for a while but I'll respond to what is worth responding to as I can. (end)