Bob Dobbs's radical manifesto for surreal change:
1) Get Brixit Done! Brighton's independence from Hove to be decided by a local referendum, options will be...

a) Hard Brixit: Total Independence
b) Soft Brixit: 'and hove' to be written much smaller than BRIGHTON.
c) Beef Brixit: Hove to be written in comic sans.
d)Remain: keep the status quo for all you Hove-loving traitor scum.

2) Nationalise @GreggsOfficial

3) Abolish the Monarchy and peerages for everyone (except @Lord_Sugar who will have his revoked)

4) A cap on irrigation: They're literally flooding, flooding everywhere. Enough's enough.

5) Trolling to be taught in school. Our homegrown trolling is dreadful, terrible grammar and spelling. We gotta keep up with them Russians

6)Alan Sugar Tax: @Lord_Sugar to get his own taxband at 99% of income

7) Beard tax: Sorry chaps, but they're a luxury item. Bob doesn't have one, enough said. The fact that Dobbs is heavily invested in Bic and Gillette is purely coincidental.

8) VAR to be introduced into the @HouseofCommons : Fact-checkers behind the scenes will call out any bullshit.

9) @instagram Influencers and YouTubers to be criminalised.

10) The creation of Ian Duncan-Smith Day: To celebrate everything the man himself has done for the country, he'll be marched through the streets of London, naked. With crowds chanting "Shame Shame" and regularly beating him with sticks. Possibly monthly.