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I have some (disparate but related) thoughts. This is a topic which has been discussed, dissected, debated, and negotiated within my own D/s relationship.
A short thread… https://twitter.com/_floss_84/status/1198925430444756992
A short thread… https://twitter.com/_floss_84/status/1198925430444756992
Thought the first…
Many men, who have not analyzed the fantasy much or delved that deeply into what it would really mean, think they want a partner who’s highly sexual, IDs as submissive, and is DTF on a moment’s notice.
Until they get it. Then they’re intimidated by her.
Many men, who have not analyzed the fantasy much or delved that deeply into what it would really mean, think they want a partner who’s highly sexual, IDs as submissive, and is DTF on a moment’s notice.
Until they get it. Then they’re intimidated by her.
Floss’s comment about trying to get him to do all the work stuck out to me. Not because I agree with it, but I do recognize it.
Because that’s the reality. Taking control, assuming power, being the one in the sexual driver’s seat, also means taking on the lion’s share of the work.
I’m the one who has to plan the scene, execute the scene, make adjustments when the reality of the scene doesn’t play out like it did in my head.
I’m the one doing the tying, doing the flogging, doing the majority of the fucking. She gets to lie back (or in whatever position I put her in) and enjoy the ride.
For me that’s fine. I understand that’s part of the deal with power exchange. I accept it. I enjoy it. I get off on it.
But many (and I’m looking side-eyed at @JenniferRNN’s #RomDoms) haven’t analyzed what it means to be dominant beyond the fantasy of having someone to suck their dick on demand.
Which sure, is part of it, and a nice perk… but not the essence of what it means to exchange power.
Dominance is work.
Dominance is work.
Thought the second…
When Floss, or any woman, masturbates to the fantasy of being taken like that, she’s already in a sexual head space. She’s done the work to warm herself up for it.
When Floss, or any woman, masturbates to the fantasy of being taken like that, she’s already in a sexual head space. She’s done the work to warm herself up for it.
If one tried to act that fantasy out, without making a few adjustments, it probably wouldn’t go well.
The reason being, most evenings when one walks in the door, she’s not in that sexual headspace, she’s thinking about what’s for dinner, paying bills, an issue she had at work that day.
In that situation, when she’s in that headspace, “bend over and spread ‘em, I’m coming in” goes over like a zinc zeppelin.
There are things one can do to help her achieve that head space, to get her from A to B, but those things are going to involve 20 to 30 minutes of mostly mental work. More mindfuckery, and less the physical variety.
Negotiation, on an even power plane, is essential to lay the ground work for this. Having her say, “I want you to push even when I’m not in the mood to begin with, because I know I’ll get there and enjoy it in the end.”
Without that one is in very dodgy consent territory.
Without that one is in very dodgy consent territory.
Thought the third, which is related to thought the second, has to do with Floss’s comments on objectification, on being used purely as a receptacle for her dominant partner’s sexual release.
With a partner who’s into it, that can be a very hot fantasy. But again, it generally requires her being in a very sexual head space to be receptive to it.
Once again, trying to go there without taking the time for that mental foreplay is not likely to be a winning formula. At all.
Anyway, a few thoughts on kink and power exchange for a Monday morning, inspired by Floss’s wonderful blog post.
