Guide to running for office as a Democrat:

1.) Take sensible positions on domestic policies, but nothing too extreme and life changing. Our goal is beating Trump, after all, not giving our grandkids clean air and water.

2.) If the current administration is Republican, disagree with our wars on “the irresponsible way they’re being carried out”, while touting our need to “spread democracy abroad” and “stop brutal dictators”.

3.) If the current administration is Democratic, agree with our wars.

4.) Don’t ever criticize former Democratic leaders, even if they were responsible for the death of thousands of innocent people in regime-change wars. These things are complicated and nuanced after all, so don’t question it.
5.) Don’t question the foreign policy establishment.

6.) Don’t question the military industrial complex.
7.) Don’t challenge corruption in mainstream media (except for Fox. Feel free to call them state TV).
8.) For the love of God, don’t ever talk about Palestine.

9/ If you follow these instructions carefully, you’ll be gucci

(if not, you might be attacked as a Russian traitor and asset to Putin so don’t say I didn’t warn you)

10/ Go free slay queens

Run for office, change the world.