Over the years of posting about asexuality on this site, I seem to notice a trend...I've gotten many messages from a lot of closeted aces, regardless of where they fall on the romantic spectrum. They're afraid to come out bc they've seen all the ace discourse every year at pride.

They don't feel comfortable in straight spaces, they don't feel comfortable in LGBTQ+ spaces. That's so isolating and sad, you know? I write about asexuality because one day I hope these folk can feel comfortable coming out. I wish history didn't have to repeat itself.

I often consider asexuality a decade behind some of the other identities, despite folk being aware of asexuality dating back to the Stonewall Riots. But because of pushback, no visibility in media, & aces often fitting within other LGBTQ+ identities we're behind in visibility.

Being behind by a decade means two things: less people know about asexuality, so there is a lag in medical & mental health care, and also a lag in bigotry forming. This year was the strongest visibility but also the strongest waves of bigotry MOSTLY coming from queer spaces tbh.

The asexual community is interesting because we get pushback from both straight & queer communities. One one front we get told we don't experience *enough* oppression, on the other front just a complete lack of understanding, & are commonly mischaracterized as a medical illness.

The same people who claim aces are not oppressed perpetuate harassment, death threats etc. For the past few months since pride people have been adding aces to chats riddled w graphic content, targetting & harassing ace accounts. I am reminded again we are a decade behind.

When I get harassed for months by some guy with a rape fetish simply bc I am ace, I am reminded we are a decade behind. When I hear of the all-too-common rape experience among the community, of corrective therapy, of the pressure from family to have kids, I am reminded again.

We are told we don't experience oppression, but when we talk about our experiences, we get called "whiny". We are too queer for straight spaces but not queer enough for queer spaces. We are told we can't come up with a term for "experiences sexual attraction" (Allo).

"Why do you need a word?" "The conception of a word like this is a slur!" "There's too many terms for this!" they say. I remember that this is what the trans community has experienced w the word cis. The LGBT community went through this. Again I remember about the decade thing.

The conception of a word gives the user power to have a conversation. Of course we want words to describe the MASSIVE diversity of the asexual experience. Throughout history there has been oppression of minority groups through the careful control of language. It's a classic one.

"You can't get fired for being ace" they say, but there are no laws protecting this either? There is no mention of asexuality anywhere, we are not a protected class. In the same breath they say [we] "don't need it, why would you need protection? " I don't know, will we need it?

We're not oppressed but we're told we're not normal, and harassed. We're not queer but we're not straight either. We shouldn't be afraid to come out but we shouldn't be so *in your face* about it. So what are we then? Nothing? How can we be all these things at once?

Oppression will NEVER be comparable. It is the wrong convo to have. MAKING the narrative about oppression to justify any view is oppressive in itself. Understanding the differences in challenges a community faces, trying to understand where they come from, thats the conversation.

Some people don't want to deal with this. They are afraid to come out. I hope, in a decade, we will be somewhere where they can feel more comfortable doing so. I just want to tell you, you are valid & loved. People can't tell you how YOU feel, only you can do that. You're valid.