It’s been over a year since I was in an abusive relationship and here are some things I’ve learned since then:

- People don’t change without consequences and the will to change. If someone thinks nothing is wrong with them, they won’t ever change.

- Cheaters will project. So be wary if your SO is looking over your phone or checking who you DM/text, but gets vicious with you when you even look at them texting on their phone.

- Manipulators want control and they will do anything in their power to get it. Control can mean from what you wear to what you post online to even your experiences or information (through gaslighting).

- Abusive relationships have a toxic cycle. When things are bad, they’re really bad. When things are good, they’re really good. This rollercoaster relationship is meant to keep you on it. It doesn’t get better or change. Reach out to friends if you need stability or sanity check.

My ex did all these things to me. He tried to control what I wear or posted online. He would scold me for looking over his phone, but would always read my texts and DMs. He would gaslight me in arguments and make me think I’m crazy.

He spent our breakup lying to friends about me, which I’m grateful all of our mutual friends saw through since he has a history of cheating on every girl he’s dated and abusing them all.

I’m extremely grateful that my support system believed me, but not everyone has that luxury.