Trying out #Minecraft for the 1st time with 5yo. No idea what's going on. We just killed a cow with our bare hands.
He just hit a pig with a steak until it died.
Now he's drowning himself trying to kill a fish with a pork loin.
It's been a couple of weeks and 5yo has gotten pretty great at #Minecraft now!

After a few concerning days of murderous rampage, he discovered he could tame cats. Cue spawning a million cats and setting up a crazy cat lady (gentleman?) house.
Exciting #Minecraft update! He's discovered taming wolves and is now roaming the countryside with his ENORMOUS wolf pack siccing them on any poor creature that dares cross their path.
The most adorable bit is after each "mission" they have a graduation ceremony where he tells them they're all "Good Boys!" and then dyes the collars of the MVPs in karate belt ranks 😆😍
2yo misunderstands the name #Minecraft and thinks 5yo is saying it's *MINE*. 2yo subsequently refers to it as "5yo's Name" Craft! 🤣
The wolf pack are graduating!! 🐺
Tragedy in the wolf pack! He's discovered a dog lead and keeps accidentally flying and dragging them to their deaths. 😬
He's now spawning NPCs purely to set his wolves on them.


...this is probably fine. 😬😅
5yo currently blowing up zombies in #Minecraft while singing TNT by @ACDC.

@GhostHause has taught him well.
Thought it would be fun to show 5yo some @pewdiepie #Minecraft videos. Now he's narrating everything he's doing -but he's no Pewds. 😬
He's discovered placing multiple juke boxes and playing different songs on each. Save me.
He's building things! Actual THINGS!! Not just wanton destruction anymore!! 🤩 #ProudMom #Minecraft
Those pools of water either side of the flower patch are his baths. One for him and one for his pet fox 😍
He's left his bee farm and taken up residence in an abandoned village. I wasn't watching at the time and he said there were some pillagers that he killed, but I'm a liiiittle concerned they might have actually been VILLagers. 😬

#MinecraftMonday #Minecraft
5yo: Mommy! I was being a pirate! 😃

Me: Oh yeah? How were you being a pirate?

5yo: I was breaking into people's homes and stealing their treasure!

Me: That sounds more like you were being a burglar than a pirate...

5yo: Pirates like treasure!

#Minecraft #MinecraftMonday
Who put bells in this game?! 😬
5yo is building a theme park in #Minecraft. The 1st "ride" is a shallow pool with a diving board that's above the clouds.

Don't worry though folks -it's safe!

He put carpet on the diving board so "people won't slip and bump their heads"! 🤣
Do yourself a favor and stack 2 snow blocks with a carved pumpkin on top! 🤣

5yo is inisting I ring @Mojang RIGHT NOW and tell them to add penguins to @Minecraft. It's very important.
He's literally waiting.
He ate a pufferfish and his vision went all wobbly. Ended up explaining posion and alcohol to a 5yo. It's weird the conversations #Minecraft makes you have 😅
He built a snow lab and went on a huge snowman building bender. They kept wandering off, so I suggested building a pen to keep them safe. I had it in my mind as more of a snowman paddock, where they were free to roam, but he made these creepy little containers instead 😬
Turns out you can blow up creepers. There goes the afternoon!
He's fighting a dragon!!! He's fighting a dragon!!!

It's set to not fight back -but it's still exciting! 😄

Damn. The "end credits" of #Minecraft are deep! 😱😭

5yo was quiet, so I thought he was as awe struck as I was. 🤩 Then, when I'm mid sentence, on the verge of tears, he cheerfully exclaims to 2yo "Did you see me kill the dragon?!"

@Minecraft @Mojang
He flew off and lost his snow lab. 😭❄️ After some tears, he stumbled upon a village. He murdered a villager and claimed his house as his own, but the "naughty" guy has the gall to keep respawning and sleeping in "his" bed 🤣

@GhostHause moved 5yo over from PS4 to Switch so we could reclaim the TV. He might be seeing the error of his ways right now while he's sitting in the bath with Minecrafting 5yo jabbering away next to him! 🤣
The danger of passing out on the sofa at our #NewYears party? Spend your hangover having #Minecraft loudly narrated at you by a bright eyed 5yo! 🤣
5yo: I made a trap for monsters who try to come in my house. I put a fire behind the door, so when they come in they'll fall in the fire -but then my house went on fire.

#Minecraft problems.
Me: Whatcha building there, pal?

5yo: It’s to protect my kitties from bad guys coming in the house.

Me: Oh yeah? How does it work?

5yo: This is a book that they have to sign before they can come in and if they put a *burglar name*, this TNT will blow them up.
Asked him what a "burglar name" might be and he said "BAD GUY".

5yo: These blazers are such cowards! If you were a *REAL* gamer then maybe you wouldn't be such a COWARD!

(Says the kid that's playing #Minecraft on creative mode) 🤣
He's now spawned an insane number of "blazers" (blazes) and is murdering them all while calling them cowards.

Me: That's a lot pal. Why are you killing them?

5yo: I need blaze rods!

Me: Why?

5yo: Because I need blaze power!

Me: Why?

5yo: For SCIENCE! 🤩
We got a add on pack with cute pets and a city. Instead of playing with adorable pets, he's declared himself "King of the Skeletons", spawned a black skeleton army and made a motorbike out of scrap.

He's invaded some poor persons mansion and filled the pool with black skeletons. The way they're all writhing around in there is serious nightmare fuel.

Take that 1%er?
Oh, and that little stand you see in the background is his store. He discovered how to make banners, so he set up a shop.

He tells me he's not killing *everyone*, so they can come to his shop. 🤨😅
5yo: Hey! Get off my bed!! We talked about this! 😠

Me: Who's in your bed?


#minecraft @Minecraft
He's set up an unnecessarily convoluted entrance to his house with one way doors, trap door bridges and levers.

Now he's melting down because "IT'S TOO HARD TO GET IN MY HOUSE!!!" 😡😡😡

He spawned a metric crap-ton of guinea pigs and mice in his house. The squeaking was so loud, it even drove *him* mad! He decided he wanted them gone, but it was taking too long to exterminate them by hand. I suggested adding cats to take care of them...
Me: Are the cats helping?

5yo (barely audible over deafening squeaks, wheeks and meows): They're doing NOTHING! 😩

5yo (proudly): I'm VERY good at mining.

💥multiple explosion sounds💥
We tried #Minecraft survival yesterday. I set it to easy, assuming it would be the same as creative, where the mobs don't attack.

I kept telling 5yo to make a house before nightfall, but he decided making sticks and finding pumpkin seeds were the absolute priority (no idea why)
Night fell and it turns out the mobs very much DO attack. Zombie appears. Cue screaming. I encorage him to hit him with one of his millions of sticks. Zombie dies! Happy tears! Then another zombie jumps him from behind and finishes him off.
He screeched in fear like we do when a #ResidentEvil zombie jumps us, but this thing is just a rubbish box with box arms. Poor little guy was traumatized. Lots of tears and cuddles later, I realize I can set it to "peaceful" so there's no baddies.
He made me wander around for a bit, until he was convinced it was safe.

Once he took over again, he almost immediately fell into a deep chasm. I estimated digging our way out through solid rock with nothing but sticks was going to take at least 10mins.
After a short stand off about who was going to do it, (fuck that!) we booted up creative mode again. 😅
Guys! Guys!! 5yo got up stupid early this morning and started playing #Minecraft. I was winding up to be mad at him, but then he showed me what he'd made. How cool is this?! 🤩

He says it's a "Nerf Gun House".
The door on the side is the exit and only opens from the inside.

To find the entrance you have to go all the way to the steps at the end of the laser beam and walk along the glass bridge!
5yo: Last night I was dreaming that I killed @pewdiepie and took all his stuff before he respawned!

Me: That's not very nice, buddy. 🤨

5yo: It was nice for me! 😃

5yo: If you name something "Grumm" in real life, does it go upside down?!

5yo: Uh-oh, it's getting dark. Better head to bed!

Me: Oh yeah? 😃 It's so nice not having to fight you for once! You're really growing u-

5yo: It's morning!

Me: Oh... You meant in #Minecraft 😑
Me: Are you just on fire, eating apples?

5yo: Yes.
5yo casually mentioned how creepers have mostaches and now I CANNOT UNSEE.

5yo: I've built my teachers baby!

Me: Oh, this I HAVE to see! 😃

Guys -it's as amazing as it is terrifying! 🤣

He's set up a little minecart toy for him to play with. The nearby animals keep climbing in and taking rides!

5yo is braving #Minecraft survival mode again (on peaceful).

He's currently finding new and exciting ways to kill himself.

This is probably fine...? 😬
I think I broke my #Minecraft thread? Seems to fracture off in places. Annoying!

I'll attempt to continue it here. He came downstairs decked out in his "Minecraft Costume", so I of course had to take a pic!
5yo's guide to making zombie pigmen in #Minecraft
He has declared he's going to "rich himself on bread" and is breaking into NPC houses and stealing bread from their chests. I asked why and he said he's a "Bread Pirate!"

I suggested he calls himself the Bread Pirate Roberts.

-Feeling pretty proud of myself for that one. 😏
5yo: I know! I'm going to make a GLASSES HOUSE made out of CAKE!! 🤩

Stay tuned! #Minecraft
5yo wrote a book!!! WTF!?! I didn't know he could write!! 😮

Here's the translation:

"100yrs ago there was a doctor and he made a machine and MOBs came in and went in the machine. Lava turned green and the block monster turned the world of #Minecraft into a pumpkin."
He's all embarrassed that I posted this because apparently it's not *his* story, but one he heard. Dude you still wrote a book!!!! 😮
5yo: I keep the Block Monster book right here so I can read it to them every night! 😃

Me: ...them? 🤨

Turns out he's trapped 2 zombies (one a baby) and a skeleton in a pit by his bed. 😱
5yo: I'm feeding him!

Me: That's nice! 😊 Who?

5yo: The zombie! I gave him a villager, so he could eat his brain! 😃

Me: Oh. Cooool...? 🤨

5yo: When I grow up I'm going to have an army of 5 year olds that play #Minecraft!

Me: Oh yeah? What will they do?

5yo: They won't do anything else except play Minecraft!
5yo made a Cat School!
My heart! 💞😻

With the kids home, @Mojang kindly released some free educational #Minecraft packs! 😃

I'm not sure 5yo is doing it right. He's gone all #DOOM on the International Space Station.

Still don't think he's using these educational #Minecraft packs right... 🤨
5yo's #Minecraft creations are getting more impressive AND more batshit! 🤣

This is a robot with muscles. It has the Neon City logo above it and is holding a glass of water, because "that's funny!"

I asked if it was on the loo and appauled, 5yo said it's an office chair.
5yo's current YouTube obsession is a chap called @dantdm.

He found a guide to make a "plushie" of him in #Minecraft, then went the extra mile and turned it into a POP Vinyl.

He rounded out his collection with some Minifig villagers. Sliiiiiighty creepy with them being alive 😱
I was reading through @dantdm's tweets last night and relying to hubby how he seemed like a good egg and had just had a kid.

@GhostHause: Do you know, when I woke up this morning I thought to myself, “I do hope MORE of my family start talking to me about Dan TDM”

5yo wanted to know how to change a villagers job in #minecraft. He searched for it but forgot to specify "minecraft".

... And that's how 5yo ended up learning about thatched roofs! 🤣
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