"do you wish him birthday/text him if he was abusive? Liar!"
Actually yes. I was "best" friends with my predator for three years. I had a lot to lose if I didnt act nice with him. Thats Exactly why he abused me in the first place: coz he knew I will have to be okay with it.

He also was friends with my family and I was just 19 and I didn't know if me outing his shit is going to distract me from my career path which was anyway a tough one. So yes, I continued talking to him.

In the scenario of me outing him, no one would have believed me. Because I was friends with him right? How can friends be abusive? You see the vicious circle here?

If I had come out with a story, he will publish texts from the timeline and obviously I will look "guilty" of lying: why is she talking if he abused her? What texts won't show you is what they actualy never have: context. Texts aren't context.

He'll show how he came to my home, ate my mom's food, took photos with my dad. What the photos won't show you is that he also put his hands inside me in my bedroom. The same day those photos were taken. I also took a train ride with him. I also was in the same class with him.

I also texted him and confronted him and he told me if I didn't like it I should've stopped him. I actually did. But he didn't stop. Those texts won't show that I DID tell him to stop. But those texts won't prove shit.

I also deleted that Facebook profile, so now those texts don't exist. my confrontation doesn't exist. His threats don't exist.
He does.
I do.
My trauma does.
And I am really sorry, I can't prove anything to you.

That's why I never named him. Never came out with the story. My friends wanted me to. And All I could say was: I dont have screenshots.
Do you see what stopped me? Lack of "evidence."
How do you prove something that wasn't recorded?

So should women not come out with their stories or take the course they want to take because they weren't on social media? They aren't meticulous recorders? Does that make their experience illegitimate? These are questions you need to think of.

But my answer will be: No. Believe women when they said they have been abused because honestly, they won't be saying it out loud without having killed that thought a million times already. They also know better than you: the easy route is to shut up. Like I did.

I carry the burden of how many women might have been taken advantage of by the man because I didn't speak up. Perhaps if I did, someone else would've. Multiple people talking about one person in the same way might not prove Innocence or guilt, but it proves one thing: a pattern.

Patterns of abuse and predatory behaviour, toxic and misogynistic abuse can only come up when multiple women accuse a man of similar behaviour. If you discount multiple stories because they can't prove it to you, you're overlooking the pattern that's already been established.

In the latest debacle, the pattern hasn't ended: doxxing, perverse pleasure of outing people, saving sexual texts and imagery for Proof doesn't merely prove Innocence or guilt. But it does prove one thing: men are scared that their behaviour can be interpreted as toxic.

So they want to document everything, meticulously. Remember that incident when the guy recorded the sexual encounter lest he be outed?
Men don't believe their own behaviour in the first place. How the fuck will they believe women? That's why they need meticulous proofs.

Point: only those men are afraid of being named and shamed because they sense their own pattern before we do. They have no clue how to respect women/queer folx, no idea of how Boundaries work because that's exactly what we need to be talking about. Not innocence. Not guilt.

Lastly, because this is long Soz: If you reduce this into a matter of Innocence, Guilt, then you're trying to replicate the failed legal system on a forum with no legal boundaries and rules. You're fighting a failed fight.

I know I will be blasted because I know people will stick to veracity of proof, evidence. And I wish the best to them. And I only have love and empathy for them. Because I know what it is to want proof of your trauma. No one but a survivor knows the pain to not be able to prove.

How else then do you solve this if there can never be proofs of harrasment? Men will be named! Or they will get away! How do we go from here?
I don't have a solution. But I do have 1 final thing to say after having worked has a counselor for rape survivors. What they taught me.

A survivor told me"proof is about seeing. But stories are about listening. Only if people wanted to listen, and not see my trauma, I would be better off."

Listen to survivors. Listen to people saying they were abused. Listen to the patterns. Listen to their trauma.

And then if you choose to believe them or no, it won't take away from their stories.
There will always, always be someone who will listen to them.

And I for one, will make sure that will happen from my end.

I am listening.

#metooindia #metoo #listeningsurvivors

We'll hold each other outside this vicious circle of proofs vengeance. With our kashmiri sisters. Dalit bahujan, trans, queer sisters. With adivasi women. With farmers. On the streets.
The revolution. It's happening elsewhere. Because it definitiely isn't televised.
#metooindia