I talk to abuse victims a lot. I say, "victims" because I'm a prosecutor - I emphasize the victimization. The advocates say, "survivor" because they're advocates and encouraging them to continue to survive. So, if you're a survivor of abuse...

If you're a survivor of abuse, none of the abuse is your fault - it's the abuser's fault.

If you have had to accommodate the abuser at all, that is not your fault.

If survival has required you to tell lies, even lies that help the abuser, that is not your fault.

If you have had to do things that you could not even explain to anyone else, that is not your fault.

If you have not been able to move forward and grow as others think you should after the abuse, that is not your fault.

If you have been unable to heal from the abuse so far, that is not your fault.

You can live, you can grow and become strong, you can survive and thrive. You can do it in your own way, on your own schedule, as it suits you best.

Abuse does not define you; nobody else can define you; you decide who you are going to be.