IE: that "patients faking" video. Here's a story about the time I went to the ER because my HR had been around 150 for hours.

Upon admission, I was shaking. I had waited a long time because, well, my heart spikes sometimes! But it had been hours of not going down and I was concerned. I explained to the nurses that I am rxed adderall but hadn't taken it in over 24 hours.

I also explained I had taken propranolol but not in 24 hours and had Ativan at home but hadn't taken it in who knows how long.

The dr that saw me was one of the most callous doctors I have ever seen. I'm trained in medical anthropology and have chronic health issues, including psych. So I know something about callousness in the medical field. But this was outrageous.

I told him the propranolol was a new drug and since I had only started taking it, I was concerned it might be having an adverse effect. I was also having trouble getting a good breath, but not like asthma.
He said that since it had been 24 hours it wasn't in my system.

I accepted that. And asked what he thought was going on. He berated me for being on adderall, which can increase heart rate and propranolol which can lower heart rate and "all these drugs that are messing with your heart" (nevermind it was a doctor who prescribed these)

He then pulled up my chart and said "you were in in X month for anxiety" and I said "yes, I came in and said "I'm pretty sure this is just an anxiety attack but I would like someone to take my vitals and tell me that". I explained I've had anxiety and panic attacks since I was 11

I *know* what it feels like. And I told him that this wasn't it. So he switches back to the adderall and starts screaming at me and blaming me for my heart rate being high. He at this point had already told me neither the propranolol or adderall would still be in my system.

He also slips in that I'm prescribed Ativan and implies I'm drug seeking.

I hadn't taken the Ativan, despite feeling like it could possibly help my hr decrease, for this very reason. And for the additional reason that I was concerned that if something was truly going wrong, I didn't have the expertise to make that kind of call.

So I wasn't drug seeking, I had the drugs at home baby! But I was medical knowledge seeking.

So I calmly asked "ok, so you're blaming it on the adderall, but admit that the adderall is no longer in my system"

"And I think it's the propranolol, which you say is also no longer in my system.."
So he switches back to the anxiety route and says "well you seem pretty anxious to me" and I said "well I wasn't anxious before, but now that I've been talking to you I am"

At this point I had been lectured and berated and yelled at-even if it was anxiety, how is that a positive way to deal with it?-and I had enough.
That comment was his limit. He was livid. He lost it and stormed out.

A nurse came in and I asked what his deal was. I explained that I didn't feel like I was getting appropriate care and that he contradicted himself multiple times in an attempt to label me as psych or drug seeking and stil had yet to help my heart rate stabilize.

She was viscerally pissed tf off. Not at me, thank god. But at the doctor. I asked what I could do here, and she told me the actions I could take to report him.
Then she stormed out and I hear all the nurses in the ER loudly talking absolute shit about this dude.

I am *so* thankful for that. Hearing them was so validating. They were like "he's fucking her* up!!! She* isn't being cared for and he's being an ass!! She* feels like she can't get the care she needs because he is refusing to care for her!!" And they were all very angry.

It's worth mentioning that I also have a genetic defect that effects methylation and metabolization of drugs, as well as asthma.
A few months later, I went to get my asthma medications renewed and the doctor happened to be an asthma specialist.

I explained that I wasn't sure because the doctor had led me to believe the propranolol couldn't be in my system still, but I had thought that might have caused issues for me.
She explained "oh yeah, it's very common that asthmatics can't take propranolol"

I'm not entirely sure what happened to make my heart rate stay that high for so long. I don't know how methylation effects interfere (or don't). I don't know if it just made me feel weird and that gave me anxiety that I couldn't place. I don't really care.

What I do care about is the fact that I didn't know these answers, that's why I was in the ER. To get assistance from someone who knows better than I do.

But that's not what I got.

Instead, because of a medical health professional that is supposed, i was made the villain in a story he concocted before he entered the room.
My partner, who is a white man, was also with me. I'm cis straight passing white middle class looking person-

Who literally didn't have any drugs or alcohol in their system.

I can only wonder how much worse this experience would have been otherwise.

I'm lucky;my heart rate stabilized. But what if it hadn't? What if something was going wrong in my body?

It would have been easily missed by this doctor assuming that pts are drug seeking or psychiatric because his ego is too fragile to say "I don't know why this is happening"

And that idea kills people.

But it also ignores the fact that drug seeking and psych patients deserve just as much care.

If you're in the medical profession, and you think someone is faking or drug seeking, I urge you to consider: what would be the payoff for them here?
Do psych patients not deserve your care? Would faking not be a psychiatric issue worthy of care?

Do drug seeking patients not deserve the help they need?