I know that this may be an unpopular position because I'm a woman. I will have you know I've read many books and watched many documentaries and it's without a doubt that I can teach you how to be a man.

HOW TO BE A MAN 101
You must be swift as the coursing river
With all the force of a great typhoon
With all the strength of a raging fire
And you must remain as mysterious as the dark side of the moon.

I know this for sure because
1) I've read many books
2) I know many men (literally not biblically)
3) I've watched many movies/documentaries