I’m trying to learn to listen to my body and give myself what I need. I’m not working tonight because I feel like I’m fighting off a cold. It’s so hard because I’m way behind on my money goals and I usually push myself to go in every weekend. Rest is not easy for me.

I’m still going to the symphony tonight because my friend bought my ticket and it would be rude not to attend. But I’m coming home to shower and sleep after.

My brain is yelling at me that I’m being lazy and I need money, even though realistically I know I’ll be ok. I have to learn to let go of my goals sometimes and stop being a perfectionist. I’m repeating a mantra, “I have enough. I deserve to rest.” Over and over again.

In the past I would force myself to work when I felt like this and I would end up getting really sick and missing out on 1-2 weeks of work or I would start feeling better and go in to work, only to relapse into sickness and miss even more shifts. I’m trying to change the pattern

When you have lived in real poverty, or been houseless the fear of being back in that situation can cause a lot of anxiety even when the danger is long past. I realize that it is a privilege that I can skip work when I’m not feeling well and I feel like I don’t deserve it.

I’m over sharing all this because I know that our (sw) culture is full of people who will tell you to push through and keep hustling and I think it can be really toxic. Humans need rest, days off and breaks. We can’t just live to work. That’s not living. Strive for balance.