You guys ever feel like everything you attempt ends in failure and you're just crushed beneath the weight of all your cascading mistakes which just suck you deeper and deeper into hopelessness and a life with no future?

Like this whole existence was meant to end in a comfy little house with a family you love and enough money to pay your bills and eat but that's ultimately just a fever dream and you will never attain it

Like there's no purpose on earth and you exist as just another cog in a giant machine churning towards all these different goals that ultimately mean nothing. But it's like you can't even be comfortable or have good relationships with anyone even your own family

Like life is just one giant series of sufferings occasionally interrupted by neutral moments where there isn't suffering but also nothing positive at all. There's this idea of how you thought things would be as a kid but reality is nothing like it and it's just so depressing

Like you see others being happy and you just long for that spark of genuine joy at something anything but ultimately you just feel so empty and alone. Sure there are the momentary escapes but no lasting joy in anything.

Like you have no one out there who truly cares about you beyond what you can do for them. You are only valuable in what you can provide for others. You long for deeper human connection but every time you try to forge it just leaves you more heartbroken than the last.

And every attempt at making enough green paper to be considered worthy of basic needs like food,water, and shelter ends in defeat because you keep making mistakes and not working hard enough when you've given all you have.