I think the reason a lot of people react more negatively than expected to being told that they experience privilege is that it doesn’t match their lived experience. They perceive themselves as experiencing normal treatment. And they’re right.

What they experience IS normal and should be normalized. Calling it privilege makes it sound like it has to be something exceptional. Sadly, it is exceptional, but it doesn’t have to be. The way privileged people are treated should be normalized.

Again, this is where we run into a linguistic trap. When you tell someone they’re privileged and you want to change that, it sounds like you want to take that away from them.

The general privilege experienced by non-marginalized groups is exactly that. They’re not marginalized. They see themselves represented in the world and they’re not unfairly mistreated. These are privileges everyone should enjoy.

I’m not sure exactly how the discourse should change, but I think shifting toward language that normalized treatment of non-marginalized identities and focuses on unnecessary harm and exclusion experienced by others might have practical benefits.

At the very least, anticipate this source of confusion when discussing issues with people who aren’t familiar and be prepared to talk through the fact that “privilege” is being used relatively.

Note: none of this is intended as a commentary on any details/nuance of the actual functioning of society. My point is linguistic, any further nuance is unintended and there may be some sloppiness on my part regarding generalizations to explain my linguistic point.