Someone I love got hurt. They will be fine but I’ve been angry and dispirited about people and governments. So I’d like to unwind by asking some questions about the McDonaldland Fry Kids.
This may take a while.

These are the same creatures previously known as the Gobblins, Fry Guys, and Fry Gals.

1. They once were Guys and Gals but now are Kids. Are we to believe that the former characters were booted and the functions are carried out by whatever young fry junkies are available?

2. Are the Fry Kids parented by fry-addicted grownups who send out the kids to gather family meals?

3. Or is it more of an Oliver Twist thing? Gangs of fry orphans overseen by a domineering fry master?

4. HOW DO THEY EAT THE FRIES THEY STEAL I SEE NO MOUTHS?

5. Is there some hidden toothy orifice beneath their yarny dreads?

6. I get that Fry Kids are part of the rampant crime industry in McDonaldland but Hamburglar has HANDS. How do the Fry Guys GET THE TITULAR FRIES THOUGH?

7. Or are they uhhhhhhhhh MADE OF FRIES?

8. What dramatic function do they serve in the McDonaldverse? Ronald is hero, Grimace is stupid sidekick, Hamburglar is antagonist, McCheese represents government, pirate guy represents pirates, but WHY the Fry Kids?

9. Why not teach them to MAKE fries of their OWN, Ronald, you ineffectual tyrant, you callous idiot?

10. Do they only eat fries? What’s their poo like? How do they mate: sex, eggs that are fertilized later, or by polyps that grow and then detach forming wet blobs that soon desperately mewl for potatoes and oil?

11. Do they ever get their own names? Are they aware of mortality and death and love or are they more like horrifically huge stringy bugs?