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One of my favourite uncles who is like my second Daddy was calling yesterday and I was in an exam.
Called him this morning and we had a long conversation about my 8y/o cousin and the sex tape issue.
Called him this morning and we had a long conversation about my 8y/o cousin and the sex tape issue.
He was basically saying that most men in his generation had done worst things than that boy and the boy was stupid and all.
Anyway, what interested me in the convo was when he said:
"It's really sad.
But at least thank God you've stopped dating those small Babcock boys".
Hmm.
Anyway, what interested me in the convo was when he said:
"It's really sad.
But at least thank God you've stopped dating those small Babcock boys".
Hmm.
I knew sth was off and I still knew he meant well.
But it got me really thinking about how we kind of still transfer blame to girls.
1. "Don't date small Babcock boys".
2. "Don't fuck BUSA officials. They are bottom barrel scum".
3. "Please don't go and cast in BUSA House".
But it got me really thinking about how we kind of still transfer blame to girls.
1. "Don't date small Babcock boys".
2. "Don't fuck BUSA officials. They are bottom barrel scum".
3. "Please don't go and cast in BUSA House".
To my non Nigerian followers, "casting" is being known popularly in a negative manner.
When used in relation to sex and BU, often it's used both by boys and girls to slut shame.
So if a girl has "casted", she most likely did sth that society says she's not to do sexually.
When used in relation to sex and BU, often it's used both by boys and girls to slut shame.
So if a girl has "casted", she most likely did sth that society says she's not to do sexually.
I just took you to my 300Level Semantics class to show you how even meaning & language is colored by misogyny.
Cause language is created in cultures dominated by men.
Tbh, I thought that class was just to make us wake by 7am but now writing this, I see it wasn't for nothing.
Cause language is created in cultures dominated by men.
Tbh, I thought that class was just to make us wake by 7am but now writing this, I see it wasn't for nothing.
Anyway back to the feminism class.
See, how would I explain to my uncle without offending him,
that things have happened to me with men I picked bc they were seven years older than me,
were not "small BU boys",
working and even ticked the boxes of "woke feminist allies"?
See, how would I explain to my uncle without offending him,
that things have happened to me with men I picked bc they were seven years older than me,
were not "small BU boys",
working and even ticked the boxes of "woke feminist allies"?
I love my uncle and he knows how much Babcock boys broke my heart till the extent I made the decision not to date any again.
Then the guy above well did what he did.
I'm trying to heal from what happened.
Anyway, what I'm saying is, it's not about location or the age of men.
Then the guy above well did what he did.
I'm trying to heal from what happened.
Anyway, what I'm saying is, it's not about location or the age of men.
It's about the fact that there is something fundamentally wrong with how we raise men to attain their manhood,
through hurting women and girls throughout their lives at any time, place and age they find themselves.
through hurting women and girls throughout their lives at any time, place and age they find themselves.
I have spoken to girls from other universities and the narrative is not much different.
We even joke about it.
"Babe BU boys are scum mahn".
"Lmao you never jam boys for Unilag awon Yoruba demons".
"Mad o. I'm Igbo and there are stupid Igbo boys in Covenant. I fit link you".
We even joke about it.
"Babe BU boys are scum mahn".
"Lmao you never jam boys for Unilag awon Yoruba demons".
"Mad o. I'm Igbo and there are stupid Igbo boys in Covenant. I fit link you".
Did you see what I did with that conversation up there?
See the dichotomies and varying identities of the men?
Even in BU.
It's
"Welch boys are scum of scum".
"Computer Science boys are to be avoided".
"Abeg, you neva jam boys who are studying Accounting and are in Welch".
See the dichotomies and varying identities of the men?
Even in BU.
It's
"Welch boys are scum of scum".
"Computer Science boys are to be avoided".
"Abeg, you neva jam boys who are studying Accounting and are in Welch".
I've even been guilty of this.
There was a time I was like if at all I'm linking with a Nigerian man, has to be those raised abroad.
Maybe they'll have sense.
Until I met Nigerian-American girls who"ll tell you first hand that Nigerian boys abroad could be worse.
There was a time I was like if at all I'm linking with a Nigerian man, has to be those raised abroad.
Maybe they'll have sense.
Until I met Nigerian-American girls who"ll tell you first hand that Nigerian boys abroad could be worse.
It taught me sth.
Proximity to whiteness, location and even class is not a signifier of sense.
I've talked with cleaners/security men who've shown me most of my values on empathy.
Or the poor women who express their anger when treated unjustly but resign to their fate later.
Proximity to whiteness, location and even class is not a signifier of sense.
I've talked with cleaners/security men who've shown me most of my values on empathy.
Or the poor women who express their anger when treated unjustly but resign to their fate later.
Where am I going with this?
We have to.
And this is as a matter of urgency.
Stop placing the responsibility on women not to be abused.
Military women are raped.
So carry pepper spray won't save you.
Even if you fight, you'll live with the trauma of asking what if questions.
We have to.
And this is as a matter of urgency.
Stop placing the responsibility on women not to be abused.
Military women are raped.
So carry pepper spray won't save you.
Even if you fight, you'll live with the trauma of asking what if questions.
Finally, raise boys to not gain manhood and see sex as where they gain themselves.
Stop shaming boys who haven't had sex as "less of men".
Stop asking your sons about girlfriends and if they've fucked.
Story goes some boys share random nudes off the internet just to "prove".
Stop shaming boys who haven't had sex as "less of men".
Stop asking your sons about girlfriends and if they've fucked.
Story goes some boys share random nudes off the internet just to "prove".
That's the same thing with the boy.
Shared the sex tape with his friends to "show his knacking skills?".
Why is our language of sex even violent?
Hitting it.
Smashing it.
Choking.
I don't know really. I'll talk to my uncle later cause he was mediator between my mum and I,
Shared the sex tape with his friends to "show his knacking skills?".
Why is our language of sex even violent?
Hitting it.
Smashing it.
Choking.
I don't know really. I'll talk to my uncle later cause he was mediator between my mum and I,
...during summer when people were telling her she had failed as a mum cause I'm bi and it ws affecting our relationship.
But for now,
let me go back to reading for my exam.
Take care and goodnight.
But for now,
let me go back to reading for my exam.
Take care and goodnight.
