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Say what you will of bipolar people who refuse to take their meds, they are very useful when you need to hear the stuff other people know to keep quiet.
Hi, Kanye.
Hi, Kanye.
Some combination of a battered brain and his in-law's affinity for grifting rubes is leading him to starting a church, with all the tax benefits therein. Because in case you haven't thought about a house of worship lately, let us begin at the beginning.
Houses of worship basically* pay no taxes.
* https://blog.oup.com/2018/09/does-tcja-tax-churches/
The US is losing at least $71 billion dollars of taxable income to houses of worship.
I'm sorry; losing at least $71 billion dollars of taxable income to houses of worship A YEAR.*
* https://blog.oup.com/2018/09/does-tcja-tax-churches/
The US is losing at least $71 billion dollars of taxable income to houses of worship.
I'm sorry; losing at least $71 billion dollars of taxable income to houses of worship A YEAR.*
All this while fewer and fewer of us are actually getting to a house of worship, or taking any meaning from it.
https://religionnews.com/2019/04/18/gallup-number-of-americans-who-belong-to-a-church-or-house-of-worship-plummets/
So, if you recently drove past a beautiful church with only a few parishioners on a street infested with potholes, these aren't unrelated.
https://religionnews.com/2019/04/18/gallup-number-of-americans-who-belong-to-a-church-or-house-of-worship-plummets/
So, if you recently drove past a beautiful church with only a few parishioners on a street infested with potholes, these aren't unrelated.
Just as the 2nd Amendment was written by white landowners for white landowners in a time when the most powerful weapon was a musket, the Founding Fathers could never have imagined air travel, let alone a minister begging his rubes for a jet of his own. https://www.cnn.com/2015/03/13/living/creflo-dollar-jet-feat/index.html
Not every person drawn to religion is a con artist, but con artists will go where the pickings are most ripe, with the least oversight.
John Oliver did an episode about founding a church. It was hilarious but, because the world is filled with gross things, he had to move on.
John Oliver did an episode about founding a church. It was hilarious but, because the world is filled with gross things, he had to move on.
Also, not everyone gets HBO.
Twitter is free.
I don't have to move on.
What if I started a church and we all got to see how easy this is?
A small story:
It begins, as all things do, with paperwork. Considering I'm toying with creating an organization which theoretically considers the unknowable and pays virtually no taxes, there probably should be more paperwork.
Perhaps a fear of strength or two.
It begins, as all things do, with paperwork. Considering I'm toying with creating an organization which theoretically considers the unknowable and pays virtually no taxes, there probably should be more paperwork.
Perhaps a fear of strength or two.
The IRS takes an attitude towards religion somewhere between, "That's the First Amendment and who needs that headache" and "Religion is lava."
Read this and see if you don't hear auditors saying wearily, "Look, just stay away from daytime armed robberies, okay?"
Read this and see if you don't hear auditors saying wearily, "Look, just stay away from daytime armed robberies, okay?"
Fine by me. I'm more of a "Walk down, fuck them all" kind of lion anyway.
The first thing I had to do was get an EIN.
Excellent!
What is that?
(small amount of reading later) I need an Employee Identification Number!
I found the website. Five minutes later, I had a number.
The first thing I had to do was get an EIN.
Excellent!
What is that?
(small amount of reading later) I need an Employee Identification Number!
I found the website. Five minutes later, I had a number.
This was going very well. It was possible I'd be writing off Pilates before nightfall. Now, I just needed to fill out the IRS Exemption form. I was even a bit ahead of the game; that paperwork has to be filed within 27 months of the first month the church is formed.
But future followers of my church, I am the leader worthy of you, I am filling out my paperwork now! Name, address, various things, checkcheckche-
"Name of Company or Organization."
I sat back.
Oh, I have to name this church.
I stared blankly at the cat and thought.
"Name of Company or Organization."
I sat back.
Oh, I have to name this church.
I stared blankly at the cat and thought.
Consort and I had batted around names earlier, with Consort cheerleading for the name he came up with that he particularly liked. After a few minutes of thought, I typed in "Church Of the Small Story," which was not Consort's offering.
"If he doesn't like it," I told the cat, "He can start his own denomination in his woodshop."
I was sailing along when I hit this:
I was sailing along when I hit this:
A 990?
I searched around but there was no thingy to click to explain that. In fact, as I scrolled ahead, it was a lot of questions of the "Wearing only underpants as you take a final in Romanian nightmare" genre.
I searched around but there was no thingy to click to explain that. In fact, as I scrolled ahead, it was a lot of questions of the "Wearing only underpants as you take a final in Romanian nightmare" genre.
Finally, I found a link which said something like, "Are you panicked because this was supposed to be something grifting idiots can do and it's getting real?" I clicked it and was taken to...this.
There are about ten short films which will explain to me everything I am now required to understand, before I can start creating Commandments* and tax loopholes.
* It's possible First Commandment is going to be "Park over two spaces in a busy strip mall when a person is trying to not be late for Pilates and you will have anal warts before Q2 of next year."
Like the Marvel world, the IRS movies are somewhat related and stuff blows up. I mean, it might; the man who narrates them sounds as if he is sad because he lives at the bottom of a well and I keep tuning out after about twenty seconds and having to start over.
But I will continue to labor through this for you, because you are my flock, you are my lambs and as any successful preacher knows, that flock must be fleeced.
And now, THE AD! If you like these Small Stories, can I coax you into helping to support them? I think it's going to start getting weird around here.
Weirder. https://www.patreon.com/user?u=4846197
Weirder. https://www.patreon.com/user?u=4846197
Update on Church of the Small Story:
Yes! I am still doing this! Currently waiting for paperwork to go through regarding my charitable status but I just got preliminary artwork from @writing_wrongs who is an absolute freaking GENIUS. Look at the following four, weigh in.
Yes! I am still doing this! Currently waiting for paperwork to go through regarding my charitable status but I just got preliminary artwork from @writing_wrongs who is an absolute freaking GENIUS. Look at the following four, weigh in.
Honestly, hire this man.
