This is a thread about how theological twitter got me to understand "this whole Mary thing" a bit better and also to cry in my office this morning.

Some of you may remember this mini-thread: https://twitter.com/genericgabriel/status/1196133448236388352

I asked the advent nerd crowd (read: all y'all ornery liturgical people) to give me suggestions for an advent playlist, and I promptly drowned in recommendations. So I've been listening to that (I know it's early. It's been a rough year. I need lots of time to prepare).

One of the songs that has really stuck out to me--I quoted it yesterday!--was "The Little Road to Bethlehem." Pretty lyrics, beautiful tune. Relevant stanza:

"Across the air the silver sheepbells rang.
'The lambs are coming home,' sweet Mary sang.
'Your star of gold, your star of gold is shining in the sky.
So sleep, my little King, go lullaby.'"

I was listening to that in the office this morning when a sudden image struck me--

The same woman, much older now, tears rolling down her face, cradling the body of her son and singing those same words. A lullaby with a new and terrible meaning.

Y'all. I lost it. Tears running down my face (in a law firm! we're trained not to do this!).

And I thought to myself "how come I've never seen Mary grieving over her son?" So I did some research. And I came across the Stabat Mater. And I realized, as I was reading about Mary's grief, two really important things:

1) I'd never actually felt grief at the death of Christ before. Sadness, yes, sorrow, yes, terror and guilt and horror, absolutely. But not the grief that has my throat tight and my eyes tearing up even now.

2) I felt that grief today because I had been looking into Mary.

So I owe everyone who has been patiently talking to my heretic self about Mary an enormous debt of gratitude. I'm definitely not jumping aboard the "Ave Maria every day" train, but I had a really profound experience because of your guidance and wisdom. And it means a lot to me.

Anyway that was really heavy so I'm gonna get back to less serious stuff now on account of me feeling really vulnerable about being open about my feelings.

#endthread