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i entirely blame the unfortunate separation of gender from sexuality for this tendency to deny that m/f relationships are inherently queer so long as one or both partners aren't exclusively heterosexual. the dynamic of a m/f relationship is directly tied to heteropatriarchy.
like, just because YOU are queer it doesn't make everything you DO or the dynamic between you and your s/o queer... just like how when I perform normative femininity that normative femininity does not become queer on account of my being a lesbian
a lot of people get very upset when one refers to m/f relationships as heterosexual in nature because, the idea is that if one partner is queer, they *can't* engage in heterosexual behavior or heteronormativity...
when a relationship is described as heterosexual it's not referring to the individual partners but the gendered (power) dynamics between them and those are, i'm sorry to say, inescapable in heteropatriarchy
i've had loved ones in m/f relationships in which both partners are queer, but that hasn't stopped the male partner from enforcing a heteropatriarchal relationship dynamic at the expense of his girlfriend. queer identity is not an inoculation against this.
compulsory heterosexuality and the heteropatriarchal logic of domination affects everyone, including lesbians, so why wouldn't it affect you just bc you don't *identify* with it. i don't even think straight people necessarily *identify* with it.
