This super interesting thing happened when Santbir Singh posted about misogyny in a Sikh space. Sikh men responded by saying:

1. All spaces are misogynistic, not just us.

2. The problem isn't Sikh spaces, it's Punjabi culture / western culture.

1. Yes, most male-dominated Sikh space is misogynistic, but each space has its own unique expression of that misogyny. The fact that most of these groups have very little space for kaurs to feel heard / valued / do seva is a problem that each person has a responsibility to solve.

The issue is, most men either don't consider this exclusion / inequality a problem or they don't consider it their problem to challenge. Instead of admitting that there is space for work to be done, there's a lot of defensiveness and deflection.

2. Yes, the problem is Punjabi culture BUT IT'S ALSO MISOGYNISTIC INTERPRETATIONS OF SIKHI. Repeat that to yourself until it sinks in. So many Sikh men will manipulate and twist gurbani to perpetuate the idea that women are impure or *only* exist to give birth and serve men.

Those issues are Sikh issues. When you manipulate Sikhi to serve your patriarchal and misogynistic beliefs, this is no longer just an issue of Punjabi and Western patriarchy. This is an issue specific to how you interpret faith and use it to oppress others.

Own that.

A few examples of what misogyny can look like in Sikh spaces:

— Singhs mansplaining how the primary purpose of a woman is to stay home / have kids / serve her husband.

Yes, being a stay-at-home mom can be the right decision for women who want that but ASK WHETHER THEY WANT THAT

— Sikh orgs not believing kaurs who come forward about sexual abuse but immediately following the direction of older singhs when they say an abuser should be removed from a community space.

Our words mean nothing to many of y'all and we're reminded again and again.

— Young Sikh girls being told that they are responsible for the sexual gaze of men, because men can't control themselves and can't help but look at their bodies. Girls being told that when abuse takes place, it's partially their fault for tempting the "singh".

These are just a handful of examples. Y'all already know about exclusion from many different sevas, period paranoia and all that other fun stuff.

After being in this community for the entirety of my 26 years, I've realized that I feel safest in Kaur spaces.

There, I feel like I am given human dignity. I feel like my words matter. I feel supported and wanted and more safe from predatory people.

I feel like I have to be super cautious about any singh who I allow into my life and isn't that sad?

I have to worry that at worst, they could be predatory and at best, they could carry preconceived notions about the role that women should have in their lives.

If it angers you that women have to think about that stuff, read the above in this thread until the "why" sinks in.

Stop being mad that we've set boundaries and create safe spaces for ourselves and start looking hard at yourself / your brothers who perpetuate violence and oppression of women.