So I was deadass making myself laugh again thinking about the fuckin KiricarBaku au and like, what if Kirishima isn't actually the car. But like Bakugou projects his feelings into it??

Fuck it, I'm just gonna write it. Strap in losers, shits about to get stupid.

NSFW rambling because im an idiot

Tw: idk car fucking is probably scary to someone? So shoo if youre afraid of that vroom vroom peepee

QRTs are bestest

Most of all, forgive me. I don't know how to stop being me either. It's a condition

Keep in mind, the whole au is based off of this stupid ass picture. Oh god, I'm crying again..okay shit yeah, let's go.

Whoever said going to college was worth it, clearly never had to deal with the amount of debt it left behind.

Sure Bakugou had a good job at a decent company, but he was still barely making enough to get by.

Between student loans, rent, his other shitty bills and having to pay for ride shares or other public transit had him feeling shitty and broke.

Luckily and unluckily for him, he at least had someone to help split the bills.

His roommate, Kirishima had been a friend of his for years. Bakugou often made fun of him, his stupid hair and his overbearingly charming personality but the truth was, he was in love with the dumb fucker and had been for about as long as he could remember.

You'd think that them living together and Bakugou jerking off with the door open would have been a clear sign to the loser that he was interested in more than just friendship and bill splitting. But nope, Kirishima, dumb as ever, had zero clue.

To be fair, Bakugou was too much of a coward, feared rejection too harshly to ever say anything.

So until he grew some balls or Kirishima a brain, they were both stuck stoking their dicks off alone in their respective bedrooms.

One evening, Bakugou came home, more pissed than usual.

His morning and evening commute had been a total shit show. A train he took was down for maintenance, forcing him to take a bus that made him unforgivably late. And on the way home, more of the same shit.

He was tired and fed up of shitty public transit.

He was going to buy a car.

His savings account was abysmal, he knew, but with proper management he could squeeze by.

He told Kirishima his plans, and of course, he was ecstatic for him.

"That's so cool! Man, I wish I could afford something like that! Whatcha gonna get?!"

They sat together in the living room and talked long into the night about different makes and models until eventually, Kirishima started yawning.

"Whatever you get, just give me a ride sometime okay?" He mumbled, letting his head fall into Bakugou's shoulder.

Bakugou, craving the intimacy reached out and let his arm fall across the other man's man, squeezing him a bit closer.

"Yeah," Bakugou said, eyeing Kirishima's crotch. "I'll definitely give you a ride."

The innuendo was lost on him, Kirishima was already snoring.

The next day Bakugou heads out to a dealership, and quickly realizes that if he wants a new car, he'd have to sell both of his kidneys and probably become a stripper if he even wants to /dream/ about affording one of those things.

Taking pity on him, the car salesman slips him a business card.

"My friend owns a lot not too far from here," he explains. "Nothing fancy, but they've got some decent stock. Sturdy and dependable. Check them out."

Sturdy and dependable, huh?

Kind of reminded him of how he'd describe Kirishima, so he figured what the fuck, and headed that way.

The lot was small, and definitely nothing fancy, but he could see the potential.

After running a quick credit check and going over some numbers, the salesman took him around showing him some different options.

Bakugou didn't really have any idea of what he wanted, so he kind of just wandered around with the man, and then...

He saw it.

The one.

Tucked in between two stupid looking SUVs was his baby.

Just a typical 4 door sedan, nothing to write home about, but when he looked at it, he just /knew/.

After signing a million fucking papers, Bakugou was able to finally slide behind the wheel and turn his baby on for the first time.

He purred to life, lighting up just for Bakugou. Even the seats warmed, a perk he hadn't realized, but moaned the second his ass started to heat.

It felt so good being inside it.

His fingers caressed the worn wheel as finally put him into drive.

He wasn't 100% positive what drew him to this exact car, but he felt in his bones this was the right choice.

That night Kirishima comes and it excited for Bakugou to show off his new ride.

The second he sees it, he starts to laugh.

"Bro! It looks just like me!"

"What?!"

Kirishima proceeds to point out the similarities.

"Dude, it's the same color as my hair."

Okay...true.

"It's even got my little scar! Look, right at the front light, see that scratch?"

Bakugou leaned over and squinted at it.

Holy shit.

He was right.

"But most of all," Kirishima continued wiggling his eyebrows at him. "It's manly as fuck."

Bakugou rolled his eyes, but hell, he really couldn't deny that Kirishima was right.

After Kirishima went inside, Bakugou couldn't stop staring at his new car, not after Kirishima pointed out that it was basically him.

Letting his fingers run along it's hood, he shivered at the smoothness.

Marvelled at how strong it looked, as if it could take a beating and still keep Bakugou safe.

Fuck, the really did remind him of Kirishima.

If he couldn't ride Kirishima for real, this would have to be the next best thing.

Before he could stop himself, he leaned down and kissed the car, pretending just a second that it wasn't cool steel, but rather the warm lips of the man he loved.

When he pulled back, he thought about doing it again, but Kirishima's voice startled him.

"Yo! I've got the BEST IDEA!"

"Doubtful," Bakugou says wiping at his mouth hoping beyond fuck that Kirishima didn't just see him kissing his car.

"I've picked out the perfect name. Here it is... Carishima. GET IT??"

"IM NOT CALLING MY CAR THAT!"

Bakugou definitely called his car that.

It wasn't long before Bakugou and Carishima really got to know each other.

Bakugou had never meant for it to happen, but one night, after being pissed off that Kirishima hadn't picked up another one of his hints, decided to go for a drive.

For whatever reason, he started talking out loud, spilling out his secrets as he drove.

Carishima rolled under him, warm and study, listening intently to his every word.

"You're a good listener," he mused just as he rolled into a parking space.

He'd driving to one of the cities look outs. It was his him, Carishima and a city that twinkled like diamonds below them.

There was no one else around, he was still annoyed and frustrated and figured now would be a good a time as any to jerk off his anger.

As he pulled his dick out, he couldn't help but imagine Kirishima doing it for him. Couldn't help but picture him looking up at him from his knees as he sucked him off. He wouldn't just make Kirishima do all the work, no, he'd suck him off just as good, he knew it.

Those type of thoughts running into his head as he touched himself was probably why he found himself leaning over and licking the gear shift into his mouth.

He hadn't meant to, he just needed /something/.

The warm taste of leather and cool metal from the gear button had him pouring into his hand in no time.

Below him, the car seemed to rumble appreciatively.

Ah, Carishima liked it too.

Soon, it became an almost nightly ritual.

Bakugou would say he needed to go run an errand or just wanted to go for a drive, but in reality he'd be parking next to the woods, or in back of abandoned buildings all so he could fuck around with his car.

He told himself it wasn't weird because he pictured Kirishima the whole time, but even he had to admit he maybe going overboard when he almost got his cock stuck in the fuel pump.

But fuck, it felt so good to rub his dick against the leather seats. Or run his tongue across the red frame. He couldn't help it that his car was so sexy.

One night after a quick fuck behind Denny's in which Bakugou figured out he could hump the backseat pullout cupholders, he came home sated and happy only to find Kirishima sniffling on the couch.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" He asked, him, full of concern.

"I just...it's stupid, you don't want to hear it."

Bakugou moved to sit next to him, taking his hand in his. "Talk to me, what's wrong?"

Kirishima stared at their hands for a long time before he looked up.

"I'm just sad. I really lost my chance with you, and it's my fault."

Wut?

"I'm happy you found someone, really I am, I'm just sad because I dunno, I always thought that one of these days you and I might end up... You know together. Stupid huh? God sorry, you definitely don't need to be hearing this right after a date. I'm sorry, forget it."

Kirishima tried to take his hand away, but Bakugou held on tighter.

"You stupid moron," Bakugou huffed out right before he pulled himself forward, kissing Kirishima.

Man, he'd really been missing out. Kirishima kissed way better than Carishima ever did.

Kirishima pulled back. "Wait, you are dating someone. This is wrong."

He didn't really count fucking his car as having a boyfriend, but he did feel a little guilt that he liked Kirishima so much more.

"I'm not dating anyone," he said, leaning back in to kiss him again.

Kirishima dodged his lips. "Well then fucking someone at least. Look, there is cum on your pants right now."

Bakugou looked down.

Shit he was right.

"It's not what you think," Bakugou said, pleading with him now.

Kirishima looked apprehensive.

"It's /not/. Fuck, I've been into you for the longest time. And shit, I've just been lonely I guess? I don't know. But trust me, I'm not fucking...a person."

"....what the hell does that mean?"

Bakugou swallowed hard as he leaned back to rub his face into his hands. He had to tell him the truth, even if it was embarassing.

"I've been... Uhh...I've just been with Carishima."

"What you mean "been with" Katsu?" Kirishima asked, a slight quiver in his voice.

"Jesus...I've been fucking my car okay! Look, it's not that bad. I just...I dunno, I think about you and just stick my dick in places."

The silence that followed seemed to go on forever.

The wheels on Kirishima's turning loud enough for Bakugou to hear.

Finally, Kirishima gave him a small smile. "I guess...in a way, we are kind of the same."

"Okay, what the hell does /that/ mean."

Kirishima's eyes dart down the hall and then back to Bakugou.

"Hold on," he sighed getting up. "I'm just gonna go show you."

He leaves, and comes back later, holding something behind his back.

"Don't judge me, okay?"

Bakugou nods, and when he does, Kirishima pulls out the thing behind his back.

"This is Bakubear," he said softly.

Holy shit.

Bakubear as it turns out was in fact at one point, a large stuffed bear. Now, there was a picture of Bakugou's face held on my yarn around his head, and a dildo strapped in-between his fuzzy little legs.

"You're a fucking weirdo," Bakugou laughs.

"Says the guy who has sex with his car!"

"Hey, Carishima is cool at least. How you gonna fuck a bear and think of me?"

Kirishima pouts, hugging his bear to his chest. "Shut up, Bakubear IS cool."

"I dunno, I can actually ride Carishima a-"

"Ride me instead," Kirishima demands. "I'm better than Carishima, I'll prove it!"

Wide eyed and eager, Bakugou agrees.

Later, much later, when Bakugou and Kirishima are intertwined in the floor of the living room, trying to catch their breath, Bakugou can't help but wonder something.

"So you are definitely better than the car. But uh... Was I better than the fuckin' bear?"

Kirishima smirks at him, leaning over to give him a small kiss.

"With practice, you'll get there."