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A year ago I was signed off with work-related-stress. I had burnt out. It had taken at least two-years of work-place-bullying from two very bad managers before I finally hit that particular wall. I'd been a lecturer for fifteen years. I managed one programme and co-directed (1/8)
another. I was also working on a PhD. I managed a team and I did more cross-curricular work in my department than anyone else. I'm not saying this to big myself up. But, objectively, I was good at my job. I cared about the students and about my colleagues. I looked after (2/8)
my team. I happily collaborated with others, my staff feedback was always great and my student feedback averaged 95% in overall satisfaction. Two bad managers and two years. That is what it took. Two bad managers and two years to make me doubt that I was any good at all. (3/8)
Two bad managers and two years and I was burnt out and part of my mind whispered that it was my fault. I was off for six-months. I couldn't even read a book (I'm still too scared to pick up a complex book, in case my brain can't cope). I taught creative writing and I (4/8)
couldn't summon the concentration to read a book! So I left. They paid me (a small amount) on the promise that I'll never sue. At one stage I would have left with nothing... so I was happy enough to go with something. And here I am. Still recovering in all honesty. Poorer (5/8)
(it was a well paid job). But happier. Much happier. And working for myself. Scary. But good. Time will tell. Why share this now? It was a year ago. And a year is... something. I can read books again - simple ones anyway... And I just saw a post by @inkphemeral about being (6/8)
too hard on ourselves and I thought that maybe I shouldn't sit on this anymore. I am ok btw. Really - very ok. But I wasn't. A year ago I really wasn't. And it was not my fault. Sometimes we need to leave the situation we're in. Even if it makes us re-evaluate everything! (7/8)
And I have discovered that my value doesn't come from being a lecturer. As much as I loved the work and the students and the ideas. That isn't me. Life is not long enough to fill it with sorrow. We all need to be kinder to ourselves. (8/8)
