In telling this story, I have assumed great courage. Frivolous as it sounds, I find it a compelling duty to warn you against investing in BDSM with a girl that is petite, "sapiosexual" and introverted. She said she was an "old soul". I wish she'd included kicker in the profile.

A few years ago I was going about my business when my professor called. His daughter, who "had just completed her postgraduate in France" was on her way home. But she needed someone to show her the ropes & the professor couldn't think of a better fit.

Long story short, the professor wanted me to ease his long-legged daughter back into the Nairobi life. I wasn't going to jump on it, lest the professor rescind the offer so I pretended to be bothered. I even mentioned "bad roads", "workload" and "kenyan corruption" in there

The professor said he understood, and that for my SACRIFICES , he would compensate me. So there I was, a tall man, picking an exotic woman from the airport. Jeanette was rather quiet - the shy breed of quiet - listened to Sonny Rollins and didn't like it outside.

For 2 months, we indulged in everything with the only exception being that I had not been to her place. So one day I am pissed, my boss was a jerk, and the smirking co-workers didn't help the situation. I was about to beat everybody in that office when Jeanette called

She said she'd made chocolate soup with "Kosan kroto" which I later came to understand was in fact "croissant croutons". I packed my body and went husband knocking in her crib. This quiet girl opened the door and invited me into the wonderful restaurant that was her sitting room

I almost sit down when I notice the ugliest dog you ever saw. Jeanette quickly defends the martian saying he was born like that & it aint his fault. I am thinking, "whose fault is it? my fault?". I am about to start beating that dog when she distracts me with Kosan Kroton

We eat in silence, I am a chew away from completing my food when I receive a thunderclap on my left cheek. Tears trickle down helplessly as I turn to look at my adversary only to see a petite girl grinning innocently. I am thinking it must be an accident and she is sorry

Then she stands up and literally kicks me in the head - so damn hard I scream like a bitch. I am not done screaming when she ushers me to the bedroom. I was in pain yes, but I also wanted to nut so to the bedroom we go. I get in there and it is Ted Bundy's cave in there,

I start praying. Thinking about the chicken I left home. Jeanette had chains, muzzle gags, spreader bar, spoons, folks, and other cutlery. I am commenting on the weather outside when she trips me & jumps on me. I fall with a thud & I knew right there & then, I was going to fight

I unleash a thorough kick which sends her flying across the room. So now both her & and her dog are crying like bitches (I kicked the dog too, just for the sake of it) I am about to walk out of the room when she starts hurling her shoes at me,

It is then that I realize that she isn't trying to kill me. I tell her I am not with the BDSM shit and she blurts out that I am a sissy. I walk out either way leaving behind a whimpering dog and an angry woman - which sound like dogonal and personal problems to me.

I just saw a dude tweet her back right now, complementing her reserved demeanor. And I really want to tell the dude to stick to Ugali and Sukuma, that the croissants are not worth the beating, but niggas will always be niggas. So good luck punching bag, carry a helmet