How I Traveled Throughout SE Asia as a Solo Parent for a Year and a Half [Thread]

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Answering the most frequent questions I get about living abroad as a single parent.

WHAT MADE YOU DECIDE TO GO?

My life was complete shit lol.

I was miserable in my relationship, severely burnt out, hated the work I was doing, didn't like Seattle. I was isolated and not making any progress, working way too much for being a new mom.

I had always wanted to become a digital nomad but made the excuse that I couldn't do it until my son was older.

Well, when you want something bad enough it happens. One afternoon, Silas' dad came to visit him. We got into an argument, he head butt me and slit my face open, &

then I booked a one-way ticket to Bangkok, Thailand for Silas and myself.

I said I was going to stay 30 days and return. I stayed for 7-8 months > came back for a few months > left again for another 6-7 months.

WHERE DID YOU LIVE?

I have lived in Thailand (Bangkok, Chiang Mai, Koh Samui), Vietnam (Saigon/Ho Chi Minh City), Indonesia (Bali), and Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur).

I spent the most time in Vietnam and then Thailand.

HOW DID YOU BOOK SAFE PLACES TO LIVE?

Once you arrive, you realize how brainwashed we are by media over here.

If you're from a major city, Bangkok is a great start. If you're not, start with something low-key like Chiang Mai or Bali.

There's modern housing, plumbing,

electricity, basically everything we have over here as far as living.

I first booked hotels via Agoda. I don't recommend that website. Total shit, they don't honor their refunds, and the photos are misleading.

I stuck to AirBnB. You really have to look at the pictures & you are

taking a chance but it's not that bad. Make sure to message the host and ask for their wi-fi speed and let them know it HAS to be XX mbps because you work from home. Some will try to play you.

Some people like to book an AirBnB for a few nights and then walk around and find

apartments. That wasn't realistic for me. I had pretty good luck with AirBnBs.

With kids, you want something with dark furniture colors, not a lot of decorations or breakables, tons of shelving and cabinets.

WHAT MUST-HAVE ITEMS DO YOU NEED TO BRING?

Hair, skin, and makeup FOR SURE. There's a decent Sephora in Bangkok and KL but if you're deeper complected, you're going to have a rough time finding foundation that's your color.

It was hard for ME to even find a one in my color.

You have to bring your own hair and skin care products.

They don't have anything out there for Black haircare (to my knowledge, I've been back stateside since Feb 2018).

Sometimes, other Black expats bring or ship stuff in but it goes fast.

Bring your own skin stuff bc a lot

their products have whitening stuff in it.

Also, I'd recommend bringing a lot of bug spray and some medications for flu, allergies, asthma, etc.

They have medicine, and it's super cheap, but I felt the US stuff was a lot stronger & worked faster.

HOW DID YOU MANAGE WITH ALL THAT LUGGAGE?

I definitely overpacked. Brought way too much shit.

Limit yourself to one bag per person because if you're solo parenting, you will be lugging all of that shit around.

Carts in the airport are usually free. Sometimes, you'll find a

good samaritan to help you take your stuff to your car.

Most of the time, count on lugging that shit yourself with baby(ies) in tow, screaming and crying lol.

DID YOU FEEL SAFE?

99% of the time, yes. I had ONE incident where I didn't feel safe and that was in KL, Malaysia.

KL was the first time were someone made a sexual comment to me, "You have a nice body and butt" and where a security guard at my condo tried to invite himself

"for tea".

Don't answer questions about where your husband is and if you're single or lie and say he works from home.

Definitely make friends (tons of expats groups on Facebook) and try to live near them or in the same complex.

The expat community is super friendly & helpful.

DID YOU EXPERIENCE RACISM?

NEVER & I know some people on here will be like "but you're light skin" or "you look Asian".

Look, I might look Asian to y'all in the US but IN ASIA, they never asked me, not once, if I was Asian.

They would ask, "Where are you from? Are you

from Canada?"

IMO, the racism I saw was against their own people from that country.

I spent a lot of time with other Black expats and they had similar stories or would tell me, "Well, sometimes I get followed around in the store but it's usually if I don't have a cart. It's

nothing like the US. I feel like I can actually breathe and thrive out here. I feel like I have white privilege."

That blew my mind! So, I won't say that there aren't incidents of racism. It just wasn't something I had to experience, especially coming from the US.

It's more like... curiosity.

I look SO different to them! I'm 5'7, 150 lbs, big boobs, a big butt, and have long, curly hair.

I was asked if they could touch my hair or take photos. They mostly wanted to take photos with Silas and in China, it was crazy.

A lot of people took

picture with Silas

Always respectful, always kind.

WHAT'S THE CULTURE LIKE TOWARDS CHILDREN?

AMAZING! IDK how it is for local children & parents but in my experience, Asian culture is very loving and understanding towards small children.

In China, we were at the airport and Silas started crying.

Out of nowhere, 4 grandmas

sat by us and brought Silas snacks (all types of fruits and candies), they blew up little balloons for him, they held and played with him.

I was almost in tears because I was terrified people would look at me crazy & make me feel bad for him being exhausted.

It was like this in any country I visited.

You do have to get used to people picking up your kids too lol.

It's not random in the streets but often I'd go out to eat with Silas and the servers would fall in love with him.

They would tell me, "Eat, eat!" and then pick him up &

play with him, walk him around.

I always made sure I could see him but no one ever tried to run off with him.

As always, be super careful. But everywhere we went, they would say hi to Silas, give him little toys or candies, play with him.

WHAT DID YOU DO ABOUT MONEY?

I was already working remote and I already had clients on retainer.

I informed them I was leaving and would still be working US hours.

That was difficult! I'd start working around 10/11pm in Asia and stay up until 2/3am Asia.

I'd nap and then around 8am, Silas would wake up and I'd make him breakfast and then take him to daycare.

I'd try my best to sleep while he was at daycare, hung out a lot in some countries though lol, pick him up, eat dinner, and try to get him to bed by 8pm.

Then I'd nap b4

having to work again. It was rough, I don't recommend it lol.

Way too much working overnight shifts with a child unless you have help.

HOW DID YOU FIND A GOOD DAYCARE?

You do it just like you do here in the states.

I asked around in family and single parent expat FB groups for that city. I did my Google's on the ones that were mentioned most.

I then visited and toured. I picked the one I felt the most at

ease with.

Eventually, you pull the trigger, drop your child off, and hope for the best.

Silas could talk at this point so that was a bit of a relief.

Overall, the daycares are awesome. There's one in Chiang Mai I don't recommend.

WHAT'S DATING LIKE OUT THERE?

Awful, lmao.

When I was out there, I was still working on myself and recovering from being in an abusive relationship so I really wasn't interested in dating or meeting people like that.

It can be super lonely being out there with kids & then

working overnight (when everyone does stuff) so keep that in mind.

Definitely make it to events for parents and non-parents. Again, FB groups are your best bet for this.

As far as dating, it's mostly just hook-up culture because everyone is so transient.

IS IT SUPER EXPENSIVE TO LIVE THERE?

I guess that's relative and depends on the city you're in.

I spent the most in KL, my apartment was $1500, 2 bed, 2 bath condo with 2 pools, playground, security lol.

And then in Vietnam, I paid $350/mon for a little studio.

Food will always be cheap, imo. Restaurants weren't expensive to me either.

You can budget about $2-5/person/meal or about $10-$40/person/meal for fancier restaurants.

It was impossible for me to spend a ton of money.

I guess alcohol might be considered expensive out there

but I didn't drink a lot (working nights).

HOW DID YOU GET AROUND?

Grab (it's their version of Uber). Superrrrr cheap.

In Vietnam, I would order mopeds/dirt bikes. Silas and I would strap on a helmut and then hop on the back.

So fun! Terrifying at first but you get used to it.

In Thailand and Malaysia, we used cars

Dirt bikes were like 25-50 CENTS a ride (lmao) and cars were like $3-5/ride.

Insane.

WHAT DID YOU EAT?

I loveeeeeeeee Asian food so I ate a lot of Asian food lol.

Street food and carts, hole in the wall places, all of that. I did the nice restaurants, malls, everything.

Beef out there is weird, to me. They import from Australia and idk it tasted off to me

Indian food is so, so, so good out there.

Vietnam had the best variety of food, imo. Great pizza, burgers, tacos, and then Vietnamese food by itself is incredible.

I suffered in Bali. The areas I was in was mostly raw food, vegan and my stomach can't process that type of food.

I lost so much weight in Bali because I just couldn't eat.

ANYTHING ELSE?

Learn how to say hello, goodbye, please, and thank you in every language for each country you're visiting. Teach your kids too.

It makes a huge difference & shows you care about learning their culture.

You are a VISITOR & conduct yourself as such.

In Malaysia, when I was harassed, I had to suck it up and keep it moving.

Take your damn shoes off before entering establishments and homes unless directed not to.

Research and learn about the cultures. Visit museums, take tours.

I also don't haggle or negotiate on prices.

Their price is their price, I'm a visitor, I come from a country with a strong currency (for now), and I have the money.

It's a privilege, honor, and gift for me to be able to visit their country and share space and I acted as such.

ONE MORE... WHAT DID YOU DO WITH YOUR KID?

Have fun! They have everything we have here and more. It's more fun for kids, I'd say.

Movies, Chuck-E-Cheese shit x100, parks, tons of beautiful festivals with games.

You & the kids will never be bored, trust me.

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I swear to Sky Daddy if y'all come in mentions with the stupid shit this time, I'm not holding back

WHAT ARE HOSPITALS LIKE?

Fine, imo. Probably better if we're keeping it real.

Silas and I got the flu twice, once in Vietnam and once in Thailand.

One time Silas needed tests, IVs, medication, and some breathing treatment. In Chiang Mai, it cost us about $100 for everything

We were there about 4 hours.

In Vietnam, we got the flu again (flying man. Bring lots of supplements, powdered greens, and Vitamin C).

We waited 15 mins, had a 15 min appt, prescribed meds, sent on our way, bought meds, $30.