I’m bored, here’s DT roles based on how much Queer Slut energy they carry

Anthony Crowley, Good Omens

Impulsive hair cuts. Goth sugar daddy. Canonically genderless/genderfluid. Hips don’t lie, your honor. Car is only able to play Queen music. Religious guilt. The J stands for Jolene. A man(?) of wealth and taste.

10/10, one of the original Queers

King Richard II, Richard II

Gold nail polish on point. Bitchy. Surrounded by a horde of boy toys. Kissed two men (yes they were cousins shhhhhh it was Shakespeare times) and the same women twice. Religious symbolism. Talks in verse when he’s feeling dramatic.

10/10, help me

Prince Hamlet, Hamlet

Stinky boy. Bastard man. Existentialism who? Very sad. The original emo kid. Bad at words. Questionable relationship with Ophelia. Very obviously in love with Horatio. Theater kid. Tried to seduce Rosencrantz and Guildenstern.

7/10, pleas hug him

Alec Hardy, Broadchurch

Canonically a DILF, somehow. Doesn’t deserve this bullshit. Too sad to have a libido. Doesn’t understand social niceties. Hasn’t showered in a week. Cries so much. Not straight, but he’s too old to google Queer terminology.

4/10, I love him so much

Benedick, Much Ado About Nothing

Look at him. Look at the way he sits. Dressed in drag at one point. Jorts. Gets a new boyfriend every month. Him and Beatrice are Himbo/Bimbo solidarity. A Bastard. Truly a bisexual icon.

11/10, would suffer love for any day

Kilgrave, Jessica Jones

no

-1000/10, fuck off you cock

Ten, Doctor Who

(I’ve only seen the first ep of his run whoops) Cute. Also genuinely scary. ADHD icon tbh. Queer, but not as much as Nine. Sideburns too long. Fluffy hair, good to run hands through. Definitely gives good hugs. Also canonically slutty.

6/10, could be more queer

Peter Vincent, Fright Night

He gets points for spending most of his screen time shirtless. Fake goth. Slutty, but bad at sex. Definitely a closeted gay man. Underdeveloped, deserves better. He makes me sad. Cute bod, love the eyeliner.

5/10, give me the vampire trauma baby

Davina, Rab C Nesbitt

(Not seen this either) Makes me vaguely uncomfortable, if only for her being played by a cis man. Canonically a trans woman. I’d probably write a love song about her after meeting her. Doesn’t strike me as super slutty but who knows

6/10, they tried

Campbell Bain, Takin’ Over the Asylum

(I’ve only seen clips so far rip) A baby!!! Look at his bangs!! A horny teenager, canon. Sweetie. Too good. Probably gay, but there’s not really much canon evidence there.

4/10, I love him!!!

DJ, Don Juan in SoHo

(I will never watch this since it wasn’t recorded >:c) A feral slut. Overwhelmingly sexual. It’s less that he has an orientation and more that he has an unending desire to bone. Pretty sure he murdered someone??

7/10, mark me down as scared and horny

Giacomo Casanova, Casanova

(Not seen yet) Essentially a more wholesome version of DJ. Very slutty. The whole show is about how slutty he is. The contacts are disconcerting. Probably a cuddler. Bi, kinda confirmed in series. Bad hair.

8/10, he just wants to have fun

Scrooge McDuck, Ducktales

I refuse to think of Uncle Scrooge that way

0/10, how dare you

Petter Carlisle, Blackpool

(I’ve not seen this and tbh I’m Not Ready To) Essentially the younger and freer antithesis to Hardy. A theater kid. Slept with Ripley’s wife(?) then tried to seduce Ripley. Bit of a fuckboy(??) Oral fixation.

7/10, he just wants to get topped