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As I've said before, there are plenty of extroverted #autistic people out there, as well as #autistic people who will want to go out of an evening to drink, eat, dance, find romance and so on. This may not be you, but don't discount the fact that they exist! /2
I don't think socialising is inherently negative to many #autistic people. We may struggle with it, even suffer from it, but still enjoy it enough for it to be worthwhile. Going on a big night out might fit this idea. /3
It seems to me that many #autistic people crave socialising and enjoy talking, laughing, with friends. It's just that it is rather more difficult to manage, harder to cope with. Any other #autistic people ever feel like you went out with friends despite the difficulties? /4
I looked forward to nights out as a teenager and student in my 20s. The reality was often different, but the idea of a good night out was attractive and compelling. I don't think this was just as a result of peer pressure, either. /5 #autism
But going out was hard. It often ended badly, worse for me than for others. #autism would play its part after all, each time. I'll go into some details... /6
Biggest problem, of course, was drinking too much. #autistic people can be prone to this as self-medication, so getting pissed on a night out is a real risk. Feeling social inhibitors fade a little must be especially intoxicating for us #autistic people, given our experience /7
So getting too drunk was a bit of a regular issue for me. I drank more than most of my friends, apart from one who has the iron constitution of an ox. And I believe this was to held handle the fact that this socialising was desirable but simultaneously painful. /8 #autism
I wanted to socialise, but being out in such places caused me extreme discomfort that I tackled with beer. Sensory issues abounded, lack of space, unexpected changes... Being #autistic on the town was very difficult. /9
I think, looking back, on these nights I was running on empty pretty much all night, in a state of deep stress and anxiety that was alleviated by real ale and whisky and the honest sense that at least part of it was fun. /10 #autism
I think I existed in a state between enjoying myself and hating every single minute. It's a bizarre combination to feel but it was like two parts of my brain were firing simultaneously in opposite ways, and beer bridged the gap. /11 #autism
I don't know whether this contradiction is common in #autistic people who attempt to socialise, but it was very strong in me. I think it's likely a big problem is that the socially acceptable forms of socialising, esp in the UK, are so damned #autism unfriendly. /12
After all, where can we go? Pubs, bars and clubs. All of them likely to be busy, hot, noisy, filled with odd lighting, packed to the rafters with the epitome of unpredictability: drunk folk. Its an #autistic hell. But we have little choice, it's all there is. /13
If you want to go out and have fun and even *gasp!* meet someone, you had to enter the lions den, pass the jaws of hell, ride into the valley of the shadow of death that is your average nightclub. /14 #autism
Nightclubs are #autistic poison. They seem to exist only to torment and destroy #autistic people in the most brutally efficient manner possible, and are (in the UK at least) the inevitable final act of a Friday night booze-up. And like most final acts, expect disaster. /15
The music is not to your taste and is louder than it would ever need to be. It smells of old stale beer and body odour. The floor is sticky and the lighting is uneven, frenetic and too colourful. There are too many people, and they're all acting weird. /16 #autism
But you want to stay with your friends, you don't want to trudge home through town alone at 11pm, and you want to try to enjoy yourself! So you persevere. /17 #autistic
I can't count the number of times I just gave up and walked home alone. And I'm lucky, I'm a 6'7" man so this wasn't all that risky. But for some #autistic people this could be actually dangerous. But I'd walk home, happy to be out of the sensory hell. /18
But unhappy that I hadn't been able to handle it, unable to enjoy myself in the standard approved way. I stopped going. Haven't been out to such a place for many years now. /19
The fact that #autistic people want to go out is not widely appreciated. Too much, as ever, is assumed about autistic people and what they want. But many do crave socialising, but can't access the most common, easily accessible forms. /20
And if I'd known then that I was battling a fundamental aspect of my personality and brain architecture, I would have been much kinder to myself for my failure, more understanding. But I was undiagnosed and knew nothing of #autism back then. /21
