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This is going to be another one of those threads that is more no filter my thoughts and not some thought-out thread. It's been weighing on my mind a while.
While this applies to trans men and women, I'll use trans women as the example as that's what I know best. I'll also note this is one of those cases that this is my opinion and not stating as fact.
I've been thinking for a while why certain people felt off, I know they support me and me being trans etc, but something feels off. It's taken me a while to get more confident in this, but I think it says a lot.
The difference in me feeling instantly safe with someone or me feeling like it's just a thin facade of support, even if genuine, is if that person has generalized one of these two views:
- Supports trans people because they believe everyone has the right to do what they want to their body
- Supports trans people because they understand and sympathize that trans people are often in pain and need help and acceptance
- Supports trans people because they understand and sympathize that trans people are often in pain and need help and acceptance
While the first is nice, it still feels... Like the core is missing. Like how some say "I support their choices" misses the whole point that being trans isn't a choice, and downplays it to "a choice" even if they are objectively supporting.
The second I can almost instantly tell, I can tell in people's mannerisms how they think of me on if they're saying something because they feel they should say it, or if they are saying it because they understand and believe it.
In the second explanation I can feel instantly safe. That's such a hard feeling to get for trans people. The few people I instantly felt safe with in the ow community I found much later had trans people close to them in their lives and it instantly made sense.
And while those points matter to me a lot, I feel another angle is in some ways even more important.
How you view trans people fundamentally.
Do you view trans women as their own gender?
Do you view them as a woman in a man's body?
Or do you view them as a woman, with specific needs to them and that's the only difference.
Do you view trans women as their own gender?
Do you view them as a woman in a man's body?
Or do you view them as a woman, with specific needs to them and that's the only difference.
Many many people are in the first example, and that's completely understandable. I heavily disagree though, as it can quickly fall flat based on your knowledge of trans people as a whole if that's what you base your understanding on.
In the second example god forbid, many people who previously had very poor view of trans women when even if they come to support trans people they still view trans women fundamentally that way and is hard to understand for some how it isn't that.
The third example is what I feel is most accurate for most trans women specifically, or at the very least me and many trans women I know.
If you view trans women as women with specici needs to them as the only difference your foundation of understanding, especially socially,
If you view trans women as women with specici needs to them as the only difference your foundation of understanding, especially socially,
has a completely different view than the other two examples.
There's so many people that support me in each of these ways and I can't help but feel sad if it's not the third, as really those examples still don't view me as a woman at heart.
There's so many people that support me in each of these ways and I can't help but feel sad if it's not the third, as really those examples still don't view me as a woman at heart.
This is something that personally causes me a lot of heartache, dysphoria, and even leads into how I have severely bad imposter syndrome with all the amazing women that support me. I don't feel like I deserve to be here or receieve all the love and kindness you all give me.
It's hard to find a way to conclude a thread like this, but just know I appreciate you all and hopefully you'll see where I am coming from 
I was extremely worried I missed the mark with this thread but thankfully it seems most trans women agree wholeheartedly which makes me very relieved.
ps. sorry for some of the mistakes in phrasing etc, was in bed typing on my phone with a new keypad layout all while my arms were cramping and so was other areas xd
