The first time I said, “This doesn’t feel good” to a man during sex, he looked at me like I had just shot him. Then he said, “How it don’t?” That’s how I know men are not used to receiving feedback. And you don’t get good at anything without receiving constructive criticism.

A lot of women care about the men they’re having sex with. Ofttimes, they don’t want to hurt their feelings or bruise their ego. So they lie there being penetrated and moaning for absolutely nothing. And so men believe they’ve done a thing.

This has resulted in a lot of straight men who are bad at sex. They’re simply not receiving proper instruction or feedback. If you are a straight man who is having sex with a woman, you need to say straight up, “Show me how to please your body.” Instructional sex is important.

A decent man who cares about you as a human will be receptive to learning, and doing, what your body needs to orgasm.

Some common complaints that cishet women have, re: sex with cishet men:

-too rough on the clitoris
-not enough attn paid to clitoris
-inconsistent attn paid to clitoris
-rough, painful penetration
-penetration that lasts too long

Foreplay is important. Not only because it’s fun! It gives the body time to prepare for sex. The body is brilliant. Foreplay ensures the vagina has expanded and lubricated itself. The uterus moves up a bit. The vaginal entrance tightens. The clitoris retracts underneath its hood.

The clitoris retracts a bit because direct sensation can hurt. That clitoral hood is important. When you stimulate a clitoris, using the hood helps guarantee a sensation without pain. Yes, even a tongue on a bare clit can be too much. Use the hood. Ofc it depends on the person.

Many men often want to know how they can stimulate a clitoris during penetrative sex. That can be difficult. The clitoral nerves run to and through the walls of the vagina. Some women are able to orgasm from those sensations in/on their walls. Most can’t. The answer is hands.

I’ma give the men a very valuable tip. When you are properly stimulating a clitoris with your fingers, it should feel like you are being too gentle enough for her to feel anything. That sounds weird, I know. But the touch should be very gentle, preferably circular and consistent.

Please stop giving women jackrabbit dick. Stop it. Nobody likes it. Nobody wants it.

Don’t neglect a woman’s breasts, collarbone and neck. Not every woman cares about it but many do. During instructive sex, ask what spots give her chills & what spots are a waste of her time.

Now, straight women, for some reason, are weird about lube. I think many believe their body should make all of its own lube or they’ve somehow failed as a woman. Well get the fuck over it and find a good lube. It will improve sex—especially penetrative sex—tenfold.

Use oils, lube, toys, feathers, pearls, music, incense, fabric, etc. There’s really no need to rush.

Circling back: Black women specifically seem weird about lube. That’s a conversation for another day, but bodies are very complex and sometimes your vagina may not make enough lubricant. We help our bodies function every day with all kinds of tools. Your vagina is no different.

Remember that oil based lubes shouldn’t be used with latex condoms. They can be used with poly or lambskin condoms, but also remember that lambskins cannot protect against all STDs. Only pregnancy.

My favorite lubes:

Oil-based
-coconut & almond oil
-almond & fresh aloe gel

Water-based
-Necessaire Sex Gel
-Isabel Faye lubricant
-Lulu lubricant

Feeling good in one’s body is a major factor in having good sex. A lot of women don’t like their breasts or stomach so they’ll want to keep their shirt on. While pressuring is not okay, a simple, “I do love the way you look naked” goes very far, in my opinion.

While sex should be mutually satisfying, every now and then dedicate a session 100% to your partner’s needs. Where the goal is strictly to better learn their body and what it takes to get THEM to orgasm, not both of you.

Do straight men have any questions about sex with women or making women orgasm? Please remember that nobody is born knowing this stuff. No shame in asking questions. DM if you don’t want to ask publicly. I’ll tweet the question w/o your name attached.

We’ve got a submission! In my opinion, while all cishet women are different: they all desire consistent, gentle sensation of the clitoris until she reaches climax. Consistent as in do not change the speed or rhythm!

Alright, so a lot of men have jumped in my DMs (I’m happy about men being curious!) with a similar concern/curiosity: women don’t “fuck back” during penetrative sex. (1/3)

There are three primary reasons a woman would not reciprocate thrusting motion: 1) she just isn’t enjoying it & doesn’t care anymore; 2) She may still feel shame for taking some initiative during sex, even though she is having sex; 3) She doesn’t know how to do that. (2/3)

Speak up. Let her know that you’d like to see or feel something from her too. But keep in mind a lot of women still have some shame to get over, in terms of any form of initiative. They may feel dirty. Reassurance helps.

Another submission! Imo, be explicit about finding out her needs. “Show me exactly what you like.” “How should I touch you?” “What do you dislike?” Sometimes shy is just shy but a lot of women also don’t want to feel dirty and reassurance helps.

Submission. Imo, you need ask about titty sucking or pay attention to body language. Because I don’t mind it, b/c I know some ppl really enjoy sucking on titties. But it does nothing for me at all in terms of getting to climax.

Submission. I have several suggestions, but for straight couples: a high quality cock ring really, really improves penetrative sex when used correctly. See next tweet for links:

Great cock ring. Pricey, though. https://www.jejoue.com/collections/couples-play/products/mio-vibrating-cock-ring

Excellent cock ring, also pricey: https://we-vibe.com/verge 

Cock ring with great reviews, AFFORDABLE! https://www.amazon.com/IMO-Full-Silicone-Vibrating-Cock/dp/B01KA1R29A/ref=zg_bs_1243852011_3?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=2N9RNX35P4Q3FASV5M48

All straight men should own this. You loop this bad boy on your finger and place it gently, but firmly, on an aroused clit/clitoral hood. Do it while you’re inside of her. Monstrous orgasm. https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07LCKL3Y1/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_awdb_t1_qb-ODb9B8ZNQT

Submission. To me this sounds like she might be going through something distracting that has nothing to do with him. Life stuff can affect sex drive & performance. I think communication is important here. “Is everything okay? Are you happy?” Those questions go a long way.

Submission. I obviously don’t know these folks’ situation and I’m not married but I think refocusing on what made you fall in love in the first place can help during rough times? Maybe a date night, then hotel stay with all the works.

Dirty talk can be tricky, because some people find it appalling. What do y’all think? I’m kinda stumped on how to ask about this.

This is a GOOD question. This will depend on the woman, but A LOT of woman do not want or need lots of penetration. Maybe a few minutes worth. They want body & clitoral stimulation! Lots of genital play.

Question from a woman, re: riding dick. In my experience riding dick is harder than it looks because it appears to be strictly a hip motion but it totally requires strategic use of knees. Also takes practice. Just say to your man “Help me learn to ride dick. Can we practice?”

Question from a person who has not had sex yet. My first time was awful and traumatic, so imo you need a very caring, patient partner who is going to be gentle, kind and slow. Your environment should be safe & soothing, too. Try not to anticipate pain. Relax!

Great question from a man who is a virgin and wants to be a good sex partner to his wife. Imo, you’ll learn just like everybody else does over time. Learning the anatomy will make you a great lover. Communicating your needs and being receptive to hers will make things fun.

Another young man who is a virgin. Again, I say be receptive. Know the anatomy before sex. Be gentle, slow and attentive. Communicate your curiosity about her body. You’ll be great!

A question, re: stroking. Ladies, what kind of stroke (speed) do you prefer? Please reply, not quote.

Less experienced gentleman who wants to improve for a woman he’s dealing with. Hm when ppl are not excited to teach find creative ways to learn. Go slower, paying their body full attention from head to toe and take mental notes of the reactions. Also, be conscious of gentleness.

Use the clitoral hood! Do not bite, chew or use teeth on the clit. Please do not lick the labia and vaginal entrance haphazardly without any strategy or rhythm. Again, do not use teeth.

Question from a woman. I have no idea. I’ll send her suggestions if others have recommendations though.

NSFW NSFW NSFW NSFW NSFW

I do not typically tweet pornography, but this is a great video of oral sex performed on a vagina. I thought it could be useful specifically for educational purposes, plus it is pretty late.

( https://www.xvideos.com/video29998727/pussy_eating_at_it_s_best)

As you can see there is a strategy here. He is not randomly licking everywhere. He sticks to the location that matters the most and is consistent!

I’d like some feedback from men who enjoy this act. How can a woman, who wants to try it with you, find out if you like this & ease you into it?

Okay, this thread has gone on far longer than I thought and I’m sure folks are like, “Enough!” I will continue posting the questions tomorrow on a separate thread. They’re still rolling in!

I will answer the questions I received via DM in a couple hours. It’s a lot of them and I’m surprised, but it’s awesome too. Folks are eager to please & open to education.