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A thread: - this day in history in my life! And the journey I have traveled leading up to the anniversary of my retrenchment.
I'm struggling to get out of bed this morning, for the first time in weeks. My heart is literally beating outside my chest having remembered that today a year ago I packed my desk for the last time as an employee in corporate SA. My emotions are a mess.
I obviously knew that my life has changed but I took it for granted how different every thing will be.
It took me about 10 months to admit to myself that I didn't deal with a loss of a job but I instead substituted that grief with it finding joy in starting @UrbanBotle
It took me about 10 months to admit to myself that I didn't deal with a loss of a job but I instead substituted that grief with it finding joy in starting @UrbanBotle
It was only when I was confronted with bills that had pilled up, realizing that I haven't done anything that I like doing (travel) and hanging with my friends, despite owning a hair and nails place I didn't care much about this - that I saw the dark side of this event.
Having to make decisions like selling my car and moving out of my place because I couldn't afford the rent.
At this point it seemed like a natural thing to do as a startup business owner because how else would I have gotten the business of the ground?
At this point it seemed like a natural thing to do as a startup business owner because how else would I have gotten the business of the ground?
I had a new direction in life and a new baby but I was literally experiencing "post natal stress"... I hated myself and the journey I decided to take after my retrenchment because this was never ever part of my plan.
November is my birthday month. So when I got laid off, I celebrated that instead of worrying and thinking about what the future held for me. And I was also in a new joyful, youthful & loving with my loving at that time and couldn't be bothered.( My stress lead to our break up)
December hit and I lost my aunt. I spent this month in Qwaqwa with my cousin all of grieving my aunt, me my job and what seemed to be a build up to losing such a beautiful soul... I drank every day! What a mess!
Took a short impromptu baecation to cleanse the soul but that happiness was short lived. By the time it was second week of January I panicked at the the realization that I'm unemployed... so I did the first thing that came to mind! Start a business in what you love doing...
No research. No plans. No consultation. No experience. None of these and I started @UrbanBotle I worked hard week in and week out...
Lost money, lost weight, the will to live, lost friends, family members and my then lover too... but the most painful part was losing myself!
Lost money, lost weight, the will to live, lost friends, family members and my then lover too... but the most painful part was losing myself!
All I ever knew was to be a shit hot marketing campaign manager! My life was about climbing the corporate ladder... and my goal was to be CMO in a global company in the next 5 years and I was well on my way until I lost my job.
Let me share what retrenchment did to me, besides losing weight and panic attacks and acute depression... I lost my self confidence. I lived in a mind that told me that I will never amount to anything, I'm not good at anything and I most certainly deserve to struggle...my karma!
I eat better, exercise, meditate and self affirm, and recently I have taken up some hypnotherapy and the one thing that has been consistent is that I'm slowly digging myself out of this dark hole that I created after the experience.
I actively decided that I am healing from this loss and I couldn't have done it without great support system.
The winner has to be my mother who has wiped my tears away so many times, dragged me out of bed and held my hand over these months... we've never been this close ever.
The winner has to be my mother who has wiped my tears away so many times, dragged me out of bed and held my hand over these months... we've never been this close ever.
My partner who I have constantly let down, over and over again... not sure how or why but I he keeps choosing me over the tears, self doubt, self pity, unkind words and hurt. I find my happiness in his because the universe definitely brought us together.
My friends @Julietta356, @talinolu @tsholokamau, Cholo, Thandeka, Kgaugelo, @Miss_Molebo Reitumetse, Patty, @CoachPholo, @deedstar & cousins Matrene & Moretlo have consistently been helping me rebuild myself, because on somedays it's hard to get up and go.
And on this app I have also encountered handles that make it all seem brighter and some whose tweets uplift my spirits... and assisting in accepting my entrepreneurial journey
@miss_mbali @MorolongZA @Mashstartup @MosothoMotho @Ntshalie @TomiRikods @Chef_Lelo to tag a few!
@miss_mbali @MorolongZA @Mashstartup @MosothoMotho @Ntshalie @TomiRikods @Chef_Lelo to tag a few!
And my babies @Gonsella @MissTinaCharles @dzaddy_tee and a personal fave @MsSihleBolani I found healing through flipping through pages of your book.
Last but certainly not the least! Myself Mmone Matlho, setloholo sa Bataung. I'm so proud that you chose yourself and that you are constantly working finding your peace. You are the most gifted and intelligent person I know. One day you will look back and thank yourself!
Here's to the anniversary of my retrenchment not getting the better of me!!! And here is to many more years of discovering a better version of myself 
