imagine sizhui representing gusu lan everywhere and lwj at a distance observing calmly and everyone enviously talking about what a good son he has raised, what a good other parent this child must have had, as expected from hanguang-jun, while lsz just waits for approval and pats

what I'm saying is that lsz is the reason lwj accustoms himself to human contact again, to hugs from his tiny son who loves affection even though he learns to restrain himself in public as he grows up and he probably perks up the most when his dad praises him at ANYTHING

SIX YEAR OLD SIZHUI WINS SOME CALLIGRAPHY CONTEST AND HE FLINGS HIS BRUSH IN THE AIR AND RUNS INTO LWJ'S ARMS ASKING IF HE DID WELL AND EXPECTS HEADPATS BC THAT'S WHAT XIAN-GEGE DID and lwj. awkwardly enveloping him. hesitantly smoothing down his hairbun.
"a-die is very proud."

lwj becoming the father he never had, the one he thought he would never be allowed to become.
think about it. he had known from a very young age of his attraction, that it just wasn't done. he thought it was unreciprocated, but knew he wouldn't fall in love w someone else either

it meant that he'd never have to become his father - a relief, because he never wanted to put anyone through the suffering of his mother, but it also essentially meant he'd be isolating himself. he didn't have /friends/ he could confide in about his attraction or problems either.

which meant he thought he'd just...go through life alone, never have a family, be deprived of things like he was in his childhood. he essentially grew up an orphan emotionally. so just...taking lsz into his custody, taking care of him - impulse decisions he's terrified about.

he'd be /terrified/ of being a bad father, of not being enough, of not expressing his love in the right ways, of traumatizing lsz like he was traumatized as a child.

except, the closest thing he /did/ see to proper parenthood? was wwx teasing a-yuan, a-yuan loving him fiercely.

no wonder lwj buried lsz in rabbits. he was emulating the one not only lwj, but also lsz loved the most - the most functional "parenting" figure he'd ever had the privilege of seeing. (and I will bet on my life that lwj has never - will never inflict corporal punishment on lsz.)

what i MEAN is that sizhui is absolutely a clingy affectionate boy who pretends 2 be cool but will get scared and run to father (and wwx) when he needs to bc he TRUSTS THEM to not hurt him and do the best for him and i love two functional gay parents who do the best for their son

also it cracks me up that lsz was probably a little hesitant and awed/intimidated by lwj, perhaps even quiet, even though he remembered him well and clung to him, and lwj gave him rabbits to open him up -

just like a shining boy had managed to crack lwj's shell open, years ago.