#TheApprentice candidates as doctors (a thread)

He’s a plastics SHO and he really wants to be doing giving Benedict Cumberbatch a nip and tuck in ten years time. Has his eyes on owning a Bentley before he’s 40
Senior management material. Lotta blue sky thinking about bed flow through the hub etc. Already reads HSJ before bed. Big fan of @jtweeterson
He’s a general surgery CT.
“Yeah, Mrs Hopkins, we’re gonna whip yer gallbladder out through a little hole. Bish, bash, bosh. Sort you right aht. Sign here, love.”
She’s outta here. Locuming in Waiheke or the Gold Coast ASAP. Bye suckers.
He’s a surgical SHO looking for a way not to see a patient:
*sucks teeth*
“Boss is going to want a CT CAP before we assess...”
She’s an FY1.” 5.30 I left here last night. Didn’t get a proper break yesterday. Well 30 minutes for lunch and the day before I had lunch at teaching but *that’s* not a proper break. “
She’s a microbiology ST who won’t give you a straight answer. “I mean, you could give monotherapy with levofloxacin for 5 days; gemifloxacin for seven days, azithromycin for three to five days; ceftriaxone for five days; cefuroxime for seven days; telithromycin for 5-7 days....”
She’s a cardiology fellow. “Tell me you’ve done an echo because if you haven’t done an echo I’m not coming to see the patient, m’kay?”
He’s a medical ST. He worked at the Hammersmith for 6 months.

“We wouldn’t have done that at the Hammersmith. I told you I worked at the Hammersmith, didn’t I?”

[He told you he worked at the Hammersmith last time he was on your ward. And the time before that.]
She’s a med Reg always looking for the footnote stuff.
“Did it cross your tiny mind it might be a paraneoplastic syndrome? Tell me you did Anti-Hu,Yo, Ri, Ma antibodies? Of course you didn’t, you ****ing moron...”
“Just get that chest drain trolley set up for me would you”
*winks*
Neurosurgical middle-grader:
“Did you review those scans?”
“Yeah”
“Will you take over the patient with the subarachnoid?”
“No”
“The subdural?”
“No”
“The meningioma?”
“No”
“The spinal cord trauma?”
“No”
The guy with hydrocephalus?”
“No”.....
“We don’t admit after 3pm...”
You can follow @drcrouchback.
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