There's been some divergence on twitter among groups of concerned parents who ultimately have the same goals. We all want to ensure that children are not lied to, pushed down a dissociative pathway, or medicalized unnecessarily. We all agree that the assumption of trans,

incomplete assessments, and extremist ideologies in psychological and medical care are dangerous for children.

But what do we do when young adults, who are otherwise well-adjusted and functioning in their lives feel that transition has NOT harmed them?

Will we create room our philosophical stance for these types of cases? And even more difficult, what does a parent do when they feel certain their child is a victim, yet the child ostensibly feels and acts like they're doing fine?

What does a parent prioritize here? Is there a way to balance advocacy which calls out a corrupt medical and mental health industry while also holding space for their child's experience at THIS moment in time?

The parent's perception may be that her child has actually estranged herself from her former identity or tried to curate a new life as a new person by altering her body in a dangerous and radical way. Some parents feel their child has joined an identity cult.

But the young person, like all of us at that age, is engaged in a search for meaning, comfort, safety in their body, connection with others. Humans have always sought to fulfill these fundamental needs, sometimes in unimaginable ways. In this era, medical transition has become

a means by which many young people grasp for these things.

We are now left with a question of moral relativism. If an individual claims to be fulfilled or happy with something, and their parent thinks they are hurt, what are we to do?

I am arguing that a rift between parent and child at this crucial and vulnerable point is something we should try to avoid at all costs. Sometimes, the child estranges her/himself in a way that is deeply wounding to the parent, an experience of deep loss and helplessness.

But also, if a 20-something (at one particular moment in their life path) feels good about the choices they've made, and their parents continue to insist they've been damaged, a rift will occur between parent and child, even if the child was initially hoping to stay connected.

Ironically, some extremist trans ideology creates a hyper-vigilance in kids that their parents may be dangerous for their mental health. Parents have to do everything they can to prove activists wrong, lest the child gets pushed further and further into a radical position.

Sometimes this means seeing your young adult child not as a hapless or lost victim, but an individual who took a path with great uncertainty. Whether a young person detransitions or not, they really need their parents, ESPECIALLY so if they are in a place of identity confusion.